South Park: An Old yet New Face
by GohanGotenSon
Summary: It's been three to four years since he's been to South Park. Things have changed, maybe his friends won't recognize him anymore. Change can take a toll on someone...or others. Jake Andrews is back in his old town, and awaits the adventures he's missed out on. Rated T for language, violence and drug references. OC's ACCEPTED
1. South Park

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 1: South Park**

* * *

**Author: So, I've been hooked on South Park for a bit and decided to write, or type, one about it. Just to try it out. So, I'm gonna be basing some chapters off of episodes of the series and just a reminder, they might not be in order. So, please, give this story some love and I'll give you a cookie. ;)**

**OC's can be accepted if not a Mary Sue! Male or Female, doesn't matter! Just send in OC information by sending me a PM or in the review box. If you would like to use my OC for any of your South Park stories, just ask me and I might be interested. **

* * *

South Park? Why does that name sound so familiar? The road was bumpy on this lousy moving truck that my head would collide on the window, nearly shattering the glass and my skull. My Mom, who sat in the front next to my Dad, glanced at me and smiled. My little brother, Joseph, was playing with his toy dinosaur, which really annoyed me. My Dad, who was a heavy alcoholic, was drinking and driving, which didn't surprise me. I was actually scared shitless because it was sometime in the morning, around 9:00, and my Dad worked late last night. Tired or drunk…which is worse?

"Don't worry, baby, life is going to be great when we move here!" My Mom exclaimed. She had long, blonde hair and wore red lipstick. My Dad, who looked at me through the rearview mirror, had a short, dark blonde hair with a small beard, which I told him to shave. He said it was a man's dream to grow a beard this beautiful, which was full of shit. My little brother had brown hair, which doesn't make sense since both of our parents had blonde hair, and he was about 3 years old.

He gulped another can of beer before giving me a drunk smile, "Don't worry, Son, you're gonna meet new friends." He slurred before burping.

I ran my hand through my dark blonde hair, sighing at my father before looking out the window again. Damn, it's been at least a few years since I've been here, and this town still hasn't changed. In fact, I think it has gotten smaller. I remember this one time when I was in preschool, in this town of course, my friends and I were playing firemen and we were so stupid that we wanted to start a real one…

* * *

"_Dude, let's play firemen!" A young boy wearing a red poof-ball hat suggested, throwing his hands up in the air. _

_Another boy with a green ukhanaka nodded in agreement, "Yeah! Let's play firemen!"_

_Jake nodded in agreement, but a fat boy with a yellow and light blue hat disliked that idea. "Jews can't be firemen!" He pointed at said green hatted boy, who scowled at him._

"_Shuddup fat ass!" Jake shouted, shoving the fat boy and defending his friend, who smiled at him._

_The now angry fat boy pouted before another boy with an orange parka, with the hood covering his whole face except his eyes, spoke, "mphmm? Mphmm?" Jake scratched his chin in confusion and Stan nodded. _

"_Kenny's right, how are we gonna start a real fire?" Kyle asked before he pointed to a blonde haired kid beating up another kid, "Let's ask Trent Boyett, he's the toughest and meanest kid in class!"_

"_Go Jake!" Cartman shouted, pushing Jake towards Trent. _

"_Leave him alone, fat boy!" Stan was about to charge at the 'big boned' kid until he was held back by Kyle. The blonde brunette gulped and slowly made his way toward the bully, who was finished with his victim, and turned around to notice the nervous blonde._

_Trent crossed his arms before asking, "What'd you want, shithead?" He asked in a high, southern accent._

"_Do you know how to start a fire?" Jake asked, his voice becoming calm, and pointed at his friends behind him. "Me and my friends want to play as firemen!"_

_Trent nodded but still glared at the blonde brunette, "Sure, I know how to start a lot of stuff."_

_Jake smiled and threw his hands in the air, "We're gonna be firemen and save the day!"_

"_Do you shit-for-brains even know HOW to put OUT a fire?" He asked, erasing all the excitement from the brunette and made him think for a moment. How CAN they put out that fire? They haven't really thought of that!_

"_We know how to put one out, we're firemen!" Stan exclaimed proudly from across the room, making everyone else nod in agreement. Trent shrugged before picking up a piece of paper and crumpled it up to a ball. During that time, Jake made his way toward his friends before Butters walked up to them, clutching his blanket._

"_Jeez, fellers, I hope you know what you're doing." He shyly warned, his eyes filled with worry._

_Cartman scowled at him, "Shut up, Butters! We know what we're doing!" Butters nodded before walking away, looking satisfied that they took his warning. Trent finished crumpling the paper, took out his lighter, and lit the ball into flames. Stan made a fire alarm noise, pulled his pants down, and peed on the flames, attempting to put it out. Trent looked in shock at his actions before Kyle and everyone else also started to pee._

_Trent gulped before running towards them, "Hey! Put it out!" He ordered nervously, fearing the worst. The teacher, Ms. Claridge, ran over to the scene in shock, her eyes wide._

"_Trent Boyett, what have you done?!" She screamed before shooing the kids away, "Children, get away!" She grabbed a blanket and pat the fire until the blanket caught on fire. She screamed when the flames engulfed the blanket and herself, flaying her arms in the air. "I'M BURNING! I'M BURNING!" _

"_Put her out!" Stan yelled before him, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny ran beside her and pissed on her. Jake and the other students looked in shock until Trent nailed Jake in the cheek with a block, sending the blonde brunette tumbling and whimper in pain._

"_You idiot! This was all your fault!" He screamed before the police, ambulance, and REAL firemen arrived. The kids were escorted out of the school while an officer walked up towards the five kids with Trent by his side._

"_Boys, Trent here says YOU started the fire. Is it true?" The cop asked, raising an eyebrow at the five kids._

_They glanced at one another before Cartman piped up, "Trent Boyett is a liar, officer. He tried to frame us!" This earned a shocked look from Trent. The cop scowled down at the boy before he carried Trent to his vehicle until Trent stopped and faced Butters._

"_Butters, you saw everything! Tell'em the truth!" _

_Butters clutched his blanket tighter before replying, "I'm sorry, Trent, if I tell I'll get in trouble."_

_Trent gasped before glaring at the five friends and Butters, "Y'all hope they'll never release me!" His eyes then focused on Jake, who had a bruise on his left eye, "Better pray!" The cop shoved the boy in his car before driving off. _

_After the siren died down from a distance, Cartman spoke up, "Don't worry, he'll be in there for like five years!" Cartman smirked, earning relived looks from the others…_

* * *

"Jesus Christ!" I yelled, eyes wide, when the truck stopped short. My Mom fixed her hair and growled at my Dad, while my Dad looked at the house with drunk eyes and laughed. My family got out of the truck, which I had to carry my little brother since he was asleep_, and _my Dad carried the rest of the boxes inside.

"And that's the rest!" My Dad, whose name was Daryl, grunted as he dropped a box on the floor. My Mom, whose name was Lily, hugged my Dad, then me, and looked at all of us with a smile on her face.

"We'll restart our life here! Welcome home!" She shouted proudly. I rolled my eyes at her, feeling embarrassed since she was so cheerful. My Dad yawned, scratched his back, and headed upstairs. "Daryl! Get down here and finish unboxing these boxes!" My Dad stopped, scowled at her, and stomped down the steps. "Jake, why won't you go outside and find some friends."

"But Mom! I'm tired!" I yawned, which was a big mistake. Shit, I should have never done that. Now she thinks I'm just being lazy and pointed out the door. I sighed and dropped my head before walking to the front door and twisted the knob. "Oh, I forgot my hat." I quickly grabbed my black skull cap, which had a dark orange rim around it, and walked out the front door, the cold wind hitting me like a punch to the face. My blue jacket kept me warm for a bit, and my dark orange gloves did the trick too, but my gay looking black scarf made me embarrassed.

"Daryl! Careful with that!" I heard my Mom shout. I quietly mimicked her voice before making my way down the block, still hearing my parents argue about where to put the furniture and, of course, my Dad's margarita maker.

"Damn it Lily!" My Dad yelled, which rang out for miles. They would do this practically every day, but there was no hitting, only yelling. I groan and continued my way down the block, passing through many familiar houses. I walked around the next block, passing a few people I knew and greeted me. I felt home, truly home. Not like New York, which I loved, but I felt more comfortable here. New York was cool, I met several friends, but I lived near the bad side of a neighborhood. All I can say is…drug dealers. I remember walking past one and he opened his coat, revealing a bag of white powder, which I never knew what it was.

Don't do drugs, kids.

I turned another corner and spotted the park where me and my friends used to go to with our parents. There, I also saw four kids, about my age, playing basketball and looked really familiar. One had a brown jacket, red gloves, blue denim jeans like me, and a red and blue knit cap with a red pom-pom on top. Stan Marsh, one of my closest friends. Another boy had a greenish lime ushanka, a bright orange jacket, dark green pants, and lime-green mittens. Kyle Broflovski, another close friend. The third boy was chubby and wore a red jacket, yellow mittens, a blue hat with a yellow puff ball on top, and brown pants. Ugh, Eric Cartman. The last boy wore an orange parka, which the hood covered his entire face but his eyes, orange pants, and brown gloves. Kenny McCormick, my third closest friend. My old friends were there, just standing there.

"Shut up, Cartman!" Kyle shouted, stopping the ball from dribbling. Those two are still fighting? I rolled my eyes before slowly walking up to the basketball court casually. The others took notice of me and raised an eyebrow.

That's when Kenny figured it out, "Jake!" Him, Stan, and Kyle ran up to me and surrounded me with questions, greetings, and high five's.

When Stan wrapped his arm around my shoulders, we heard the familiar groan from Cartman, "Fags." He mumbled.

"Hey guys, you haven't changed a bit!" I chuckled before looking at Kenny. "Kenny, you're still alive and kicking!" He mumbled 'asshole' but he still waved at me. "Cartman, still as fat as ever I see."

"Ay! Fuck you, bro!" He shouted, glaring at me before smirking, "Look Stan, your lover's back!"

"Shut up, fat ass!" Stan yelled as his cheeks turned slightly pink. Cartman must've noticed this because his smirk grew wider. Stan glared at him before grinning at me, "You here for good?"

"The gang's back together!" I laughed, wrapping my arms around Kyle and Stan's shoulders. Kenny raised his hands in the air while Eric rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Hooway!" Joey cheered, stopping the celebration.

The others looked at my little brother while I placed my hands on my hips, "God damn it! My little brother's following me! Go home, Joey!"

"Shut up." He giggled, making me growl.

"Go home!" Kyle tried to shoo my brother away, but to no avail.

"Go home ya dildo!" Cartman grumbled. I ignored the fat boy and scowled at my little bro, who still smiled at me.

"Fuck off, Cartman!" Kenny piped up, flipping the fat boy off before returning to scowling at my little brother, who continued to give us that innocent, cute, little kid smile. Huh, that hasn't worked since last week!

"I call three pointer." I said to myself, taking a couple of steps while holding my brother in the air. I then threw my little bro across the court and into the net, which sent him through a couple of garbage pails after he bounced off the floor. "Jake: Three, Joey: Zero!" Kyle, Kenny, and Stan whooped while Cartman clapped. My little brother laughed until we spoke yet again.

"It's good to have you back, buddy." Kyle patted my back and flashed me a grin. "Oh, speaking of little brothers, I forgot to tell you that I have a little brother too! Ike!" I was surprised at his. Looks like Kyle has a sibling now. Back then, it used to be only Kenny and Stan who had any brothers or sisters. Joey wasn't 'made' yet and I'm still flabbergasted that Cartman's mom isn't pregnant, since she's been with a lot of people.

"…Your mom's a whore." I simply blurted out, pointing at Cartman. I had no reason to do that and was completely uncalled for…but it sure was funny.

Cartman scowled at me, "No she's not!"

"Then why is she on the cover of 'Whore Monthly'?" I asked, taking out a copy of the magazine from my pocket, don't ask, and handed it to Cartman. He snatched the magazine and looked at the cover before his face changed from pure anger to disgust. "Told you." He dropped the magazine like it was covered with goo and other things nasty before grumbling stuff under his breath.

Kyle decided to look for himself and laughed at the cover, "HAHAHAHA! DUDE! SHE IS!" Kenny looked as well before bursting out into a fit of giggles. Stan also couldn't help but laugh, even though he didn't see the magazine. "EW! She has veins on her legs! HAHAHAHA!"

Cartman flipped us off, "Screw you guys! I'm going home!" He then proceeded to wattle his way back to his house.

"He'll be back." Kyle chuckled out before wiping a tear from his cheek. He let out a few more laughs before sighing. "Oh. Okay, um, so, it's great to have you back, dude."

Kenny decided to stand next to me and nudge me in my ribs, "So, got any girls?"

I shrugged. Sure, I know a lot of girls up in New York, and I remember some down here too. Oh, speaking of girls. "It depends, did Stan finally ask Wendy out?" Stan puked when I mentioned her name. "AH! THAT'S WEAK!"

"Sick dude…" Kyle mumbled while shaking his head.

Kenny wasn't affected by this and nodded, "Yeah. They've been dating for a few weeks now, I think." Really? That took me by surprise. Stan was in love with Wendy since Kindergarten, and now suddenly he has the balls to do it. It took him nearly 3 years to ask her out, yeah, he doesn't have THAT much balls. God, I have to stop saying balls, it's making me feel gay. Not that there's anything wrong with gay people.

I decided to change the subject, "So, who wants to play two on two? Me and Kenny against you two." I say while pointing at Stan. "Loser has to….do the other person's homework for a week." Kenny nodded in agreement.

He flashed me a grin, "You're on, Andrews"

I smirked, "Bring it, Marsh!"


	2. School Begins

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 2: School Begins**

**Author: I used a few of your suggested OC's in this chapter. Don't worry, more will come! Still have any OC ideas, simply PM me their information or say it in the review box! This chapter isn't my best...**

**Jake: Yeah, not your greatest...**

**Stan: It isn't long before you'll be the most hated author in the history of ever!**

**Author: Screw you guys! I'm going home!**

* * *

To be honest, I'm kind of a nervous wreck right now. The first day of school always got to me, especially if it's a new school. Sure, I'm friends with, I hope, most of the people in the building, but who knows if they would still get along with me? My Dad kicked me out of the house, well threw me out, literally, because I was running late for the bus and he wanted some peace to himself. Mom was working, which surprised me since she could find a job that fast, and Joey was sent to preschool on the other side of town. It wasn't like Dad could find a job, but due to his obsess with alcohol, that stopped him from getting one.

When I spotted Stan and the others waiting at the bus stop, I grinned. "Hey guys!"

"Wassup?" Kenny greeted. Despite having that hood covering his mouth, I could hear him clearly. We've been used to that for quite some time.

"Just in time, dude." Kyle smiled at me before pointing at Cartman, "Fatass over here wanted to know if leprechauns were real or not."

Cartman smugly nodded before smirking, "I swear Kahl, if there are leprechauns, I WILL make you suck my….BALLS!" Again with this 'balls' shit! This is getting me disgusted so I decided to stay out of it.

Before anymore insults were thrown, a small squeal caught our attention from the skies. We all looked up and a dead bird decided to crash land onto Kenny's eye, who screamed in pain. "HOLY SHIT!" I yelled out before trying to yank the bird off my friend's eye. Kenny only screamed louder. With one last yank, the bird was off my friend's face, but the eye dangled in its beak.

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" Stan gasped in shock, placing his hands on his cheeks.

"YOU bastard!" Kyle growled out, pointing at me or at the dead bird that was in my hand.

It wasn't long before the bird was out of my hand and we simply ignored the corpse of our friend. "So," Cartman started off awkwardly. "Did you guys…ah, screw it! YOU killed Kenny!" He pointed his fat finger at me. What did I do in return? I simply grabbed his chest and twisted his nipples. "AH! OW! MAH TITTIES!" I let go and Eric proceeded to rub them. Hmph, that's what you get you fat piece of shit.

"So Cartman DOES have boobs!" Stan, along with me and Kyle, laughed. The bus shortly arrived and we got on with Cartman being the last one, mumbling things under his breath I couldn't pick up on. I decided to sit towards the end of the bus, but not back with Stan and Kyle, but somewhere in the middle. I liked the back because it was bumpier and the front because if anything happens, I could jump out the emergency exit window.

* * *

The bus ride wasn't that bad, the only bad thing was Cartman decided to be a pig and fart in the bus. At first, it was actually kind of funny, but when the smell hit ya, it was like a nuke hitting your nose. Stan puked yet again, making me and Kyle then look at him with disgust. "Come on," Came Stan's voice from behind me, with Kyle next to him. "We'll show you around."

The school was big, not as big as my old school, but it was pretty big. My old school was taller, but this school was wider. When we went inside, the first thing I noticed was that the hallways were wide and green lockers were everywhere. We didn't use lockers in my school, only the teachers did, which was bullshit. Many kids were walking around too, and guessing from their age and appearance, the grades were probably from 1st to 5th, like my old school.

Kyle led me to his locker, "This is my locker."

"Oh, you must be Jacob?" When I turned around, a man with a quite big head looked down at me. "I'm Mr. Mackey, M'Kay, your school counselor." He opened the locker next to Kyle's and pointed at it, "This is your locker, M'Kay. You can put your books in here, maybe decorate it, M'Kay. Just call if you need anything."

"Sweet, our lockers next to ours." Kyle playfully punched me in my shoulder. I returned the favor before opening my locker and put some of my books in there. "Oh, here comes Wendy…" I rolled my eyes before Wendy, who wore a pink hat and purple jacket, hugged Stan.

"Hey, Stan." She greeted, moving some of her long, black hair out of her eyes. When she looked at me, her face turned from happy to confusion. "You look familiar….who're you again?"

"This is Jake." Stan said, wiping some of his 'nervous' puke off his mouth. "From preschool?"

"Oh yeah!" Wendy nodded before waving at me. "Hi, I'm Wendy." Good thing she didn't notice me roll my eyes again. I gave her a fake wave before she walked away, making me and Kyle shake our head at Stan, who frowned.

Before he could say anything, the bell rung. "Alright, time for class." I closed my locker and followed them through the hallway.

When we reached the room, we were stopped by a girl our age with honey blonde hair, up to her shoulders, and brown eyes. She wore a light blue, poof ball hat with a dark blue trim, and a pink coat with a hot pink trim. "`Hey guys." She greeted us.

"Oh, hey Gracie." Stan waved his hand at the girl.

Said girl glanced at me with a surprised look, "Oh, hey Jake! It's been a long time!"

I raised my eyebrow in confusion. How does this girl know me if I never met her before? "Who're you again?" I'm sorry, but I had to ask. I wasn't trying to be rude or mean, but I seriously had to figure out who she was. Well, now that I think about it, she does seem familiar…

"Gracie, you know, preschool?" She pointed out, smiling with a raised eyebrow. I still gave her a confused look. "I was in your class?" Nope. "Ugh, I threw my ice cream cone at you when you didn't share the crayons in preschool?"

I snapped my fingers in realization. "Oh yeah! Gracie! I remember now!" She nodded in relief.

"Um, not to ruin the reunion or anything," Kyle started off nervously before pointing at the door. "But we have a class to get to." He opened the door and we all flooded in the classroom, no eyes were on us. Good, I hated being watched walking in the classroom. I don't know, it seems like I did something bad.

"Oh great, I have you this year?" A voice asked with annoyance. I looked up to see the teacher staring at me with squinted eyes. Oh, Mr. Garrison! I remember him. He's the gay teacher, right? I know, all of you might be asking 'How does Jake know Mr. Garrison?' It all started in kindergarten and we were outside for recess. Kyle was out sick, Stan had 'plans' with his family, I refused to play with Cartman, and Kenny died a couple of minutes ago. Fortunately, Mr. Garrison had to monitor us students and let me say, he was annoyed as hell.

Anyway, I had nothing else to do so I decided to bug Mr. Garrison. I walked up to him and he gave me an exhausted look, "What'd you want, kid?" He sighed. He had on that hand puppet Mr. Hat, so I grabbed it from him and threw it a few feet away from me. Yeah, I was a dick. "MR. HAT!" Mr. Garrison gasped before running to his aid.

"What're you doing, butthole?" Cartman demanded once he made his way towards me.

Mr. Garrison brushed the snow off of his puppet and scowled at me, "You'll rue the day!"

Hard to believe something as simple as that made a man have a grudge on a kindergartner. "Alright class, this is Jacob."

"Jake." I corrected him. I disliked the name Jacob for some reason. It made me feel like a nerd, but Jake made me feel cool.

"Whatever!" He snapped, making me jump. "Just take your seat next to…." He gazed around the room trying to look for an empty seat. "Sit next to….Butters!" What? Butters? I glanced at the blonde boy, who waved his hand in the air and pointed at the empty seat next to him. With a sigh, I walked to my seat and ignored the cheerful look Butters was giving me. Butters is a sweet kid, yeah, but he can be annoying sometimes.

"Hey there, Jake!" He chirped. "It's me, Butters!"

"I know it's you, Butters." I sighed.

"I-It's good to have you back, buddy." He gave me a pat on the back before focusing on Mr. Garrison's lessons. That was a plain and simple 'hi' and 'welcome back'. I was expecting him to chatter through the entire lesson on how I missed out on adventures and so forth.

"…Alright class, let's start our lesson on how those basketball wives aren't actually wives of ANY NBA athletes…" Mr. Garrison started before writing on the chalkboard. "Only one of them are, and the rest were either divorced or left them because they liked them for their money…" Yeah I'm not interested.

I tapped my fingers on my desk in boredom, not even attempting to take notes. "GAH!" Someone yelped and I jumped from my seat in surprise. I looked to my right and saw a kid with crazy, blonde hair sticking out everywhere. His shirt was buttoned wrong and he had some coffee stains on them. "S-Sorry man-GAH!" He twitched like crazy after every word. "I-It's just too much p-pressure-GAH!" I raised my eyebrows. "Tweek! T-That's my name, m-man!" Alright, I'll ask Stan about him later.

"Tweek drinks a lot of coffee." Butters pointed out.

I nodded before a ball of paper hit my head and landed on my desk. I looked at it before unwrapping it and I saw some writing on it. What is this, a love note? Some already likes me? The note read: '_You're cute ;)'_ I blushed and frantically looked around the room for my admirer. A girl with long, blonde hair wearing a red coat winked at me, making me blush harder. Wendy, who sat next to her, shook her head at the girl. For once, I thanked Wendy.

Oh, I didn't say this before, but I'm not a fan of Wendy. I think she's smart and all, which she is, but she's one of those clingy girlfriends who get jealous if her man was seen spotted with another girl. Trust me, I've seen her jealous before, and that person she was jealous of wasn't seen again. Believe it or not, she was my ex. Get it out of your system! I dated Wendy in kindergarten for a week, and let me say, Stan was so mad at me for a while. No, we didn't kiss or anything, in fact, we rarely spoke to each other until she broke up with me. I was happy to be honest. No more jealous girls anymore!

* * *

Finally, thank god for the bell. It was lunch and I was starving. The cafeteria was cleaner than my old one and this one had many more tables and garbage cans. Right now, we were waiting on the line to get food and Cartman, being the jerk he was, pushed me when I didn't budge when the line moved up. "Hurry up!" He shouted.

"Don't get your thong in a knot, fat boy." I shot back.

"AY! Screw you!" Cartman wailed.

I rolled my eyes before Stan motioned me to step forward. When I did, I was met with the chef, who ironically was named Chef. "Hey Chef." Stan, Kyle and Kenny greeted the chef.

"Hello there, children!" He greeted back before glancing at me with a questionable look. "Who's this?"

"This is Jake." Kyle introduced me.

"Why hello there." He smiled at me before handing us our trays. We then found an empty table near us and decided to sit there. Soon came Cartman, Gracie, and a few other people I didn't recognize. One of them was a girl with long, wavy brown hair, bright blue eyes, and light skin. She wore a white tank top with a pastel pink knit sweater over it, black leggings, and brown combat boots. I forgot her name, I think it was Kalel or something. She was nice when you get to know her for a bit.

"What was your name again? Jacob?" She asked, stabbing her food with a fork.

"Yeah, it's Jake." I replied. "I don't like people calling me Jacob. It sounds like a geeky name. It's like us calling Stan 'Stanley' and Kenny, who's dead, 'Kenneth'." Stan and Kyle nodded in agreement. "Think about it."

She gave me a confused look before muttering, "You're pretty weird."

I shrugged in response. "True. We're all weird in some way."

"He's got a point." A boy next to her nodded. He had dirty blonde hair, quite like me. His hair was cut like one of those Ivy League ones and bright green eyes. He had on a black t-shirt, unbuttoned forest green jean jacket, a brown leather coat over it, jeans, and boots. "I mean, Cartman here is probably the weirdest one here."

This made me and Kyle chuckle. "That's not funny, asshole!" Cartman shouted, chewing on a burger.

"Shut up, I'm hilarious." He snapped, scowling at the fat boy.

Meanwhile at the girls table, "Say, that new kid looks hot!" Bebe exclaimed, eyeing Jake from across the room.

"He's alright…" A girl with blonde, curly hair with side bangs that go across her forehead. She has icy blue eyes and some freckles on her nose. "I mean, he looks cute, but…"

"Oh come on Charlee," Red rolled her eyes, "You're just saying that because it's obvious YOU like Kyle!" This made Charlee blush heavily. "We've seen how you look at him sometimes. Come on, just admit."

Wendy looked at her friends before speaking up, "Oh come on girls, you don't have to force it out of her!" Charlee nodded in agreement.

"….That's when the bird fell from the sky and stabbed Kenny in the eye." I was telling them the story of when Kenny died this morning, much to Cartman's excitement. I swear, that fat boy is turning sadistic by the moment. "So I managed to pull the bird off of him, but his eye ended up being pulled out." This made Kalel and Gracie cringe in disgust.

"Poor Kenny…" Gracie mumbled before the bell rung again. "What do we have now? Art?" I shrugged. "I know you don't know, Jake." She said while playfully rolling her eyes.

"Yeah. We do." Stan answered, nodding his head.

"Man, I hate Mrs. Streibel!" Jensen, who was the boy from our table, exclaimed. "And I hate art! Period." I wasn't a fan of art either. My school, we rarely did art. In fact, I think we didn't even HAVE an art class.

Gracie nodded in agreement, "One time, I spilled I drop of paint on her shoe, and she yelled at me." I shook my head.

* * *

Now it was art class. We were doing things with clay, like making bowls, but we had something else in mind. It was funny, we were making a penis out of clay and we couldn't help but laugh our asses off. "Great job, everyone." Mrs. Streibel cooed over everyone else's clay project, that is, until she reached us.

Me, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman didn't see her coming and continued to make the clay penis. "Put more clay on the balls." Cartman snickered out.

"Boys!" She gasped, stopping the laughter from us. "What is that?"

We glanced at one another before Kyle blurted out, "A reindeer?" I face palmed before she started to scowl at us.

"You know, I've had it! You four boys haven't been taking art seriously!" She shook her head at us.

"Well, this is my first day." I pointed out. "So I haven't been taking this 'seriously' yet…"

"Quiet you!" She hissed, pointing her finger at me. What'd I do? "Do you think art is not important?"

Stan looked at the ground before looking back up at our art teacher, "Well, you see, art is for gay wads."

"It's not THAT bad…" I mumbled.

Stan looked at me before shrugging, "See?" Excuse me? I rolled some clay up into a ball and chucked it at him. "OW! Dude, take a joke!" I rolled my eyes at him before Mrs. Streibel picked up our project and waved it around as she spoke to us.

"Do you think this is funny?" She demanded, pointing at the clay penis. "Do you think this is funny?!" We couldn't reply because we were holding in our laughter, our faces turning pink. Then it slipped out.

"It is pretty funny." Gracie chuckled from across the room. She was working with Kalel and Jensen, who nodded.

"That's it!" She snapped. "You four can stay here after school to make new pottery."

We all stopped laughing and looked at her in shock, "What?! Come on, it's my first day!" I tried to reason with her, but to no avail.

I already got detention on my first day of school. This sucks balls!


	3. Toilet Paper

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters. All OCs, besides Jake and his family, belong to many great authors or fans of this story.**

**Chapter 3: Toilet Paper**

* * *

Well screw my life, ya know? First day of school and I already have detention. Stupid Mrs. Streibel, stupid art class, stupid pottery. Mrs. Streibel can go straight to hell and kiss Satan's ass! My friends must've been thinking the same thing because we all had angry looks on our faces as we spun the clay.

I wonder if Kenny's laughing at us wherever he is right now…

"Mrs. Streibel thinks she's so cool…" I heard Stan mumble. He was so angry that he ended up squeezing the clay too hard and created a dent on one side of the bowl. To be honest with you guys, I couldn't agree more. Sure she was doing her job, but give us a break. We're kids we didn't know any better.

Kyle was setting the speed for the spinner before shaking his head in frustration. "How dare she talk to us like that?"

"She's a stupid bitch, that's for sure." I grumbled, scowling at the pottery we were making. You know, bitch is a strong word when it slips out of my mouth. My Mom doesn't want me to curse in the house or around her. Dad doesn't give a shit, but he has some rules: I can't say fuck, shit, or faggot. I can use bitch, damn, crap, and hell.

My family is weird.

"You guys," Came Cartman's voice, who stopped working on the pottery. "We can't let her get away with this." No shit, Sherlock. We need to have revenge on that art whore of a teacher. "I think tonight we need to do something drastic."

This caught all of our attentions.

"Like what?" Stan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Like find out where she lives…" I picked off what Cartman was going to say before smirking, "And TP her house." Cartman mirrored my facial expression and rubbed his hands together like an evil villain or something. Actually, I've TP'd a few houses back in New York, and the people around us wouldn't snitch or none of that. It was fun to say the least. However, I did feel bad when an elderly person walked out the door with a broom in their hand.

Something about sad elderly people made me….sad.

"TP her house?" Kyle asked innocently with a confused look.

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Yeah! You know, cover her house in toilet paper!" Kyle's face softened when Cartman finished his response. Eric caught on to this. "What's the matter Kyle? You chicken?" He then proceeded to cluck and pretended to flap 'wings' before Kyle kicked him in the nuts. "OW! AH!"

Then came Mrs. Streibel's voice.

"Be quiet you four, you're being punished!" She hissed before continuing to her paperwork.

Stan's eyes narrowed. "Fine, but we'll get the last laugh, art whore." I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, payback time you ugly skank." Cartman groaned out in pain.

* * *

After getting out of detention and getting yelled at by Mom, we made our way to the grocery store. We planned to buy a load of toilet paper in order to TP her house. How we got that kind of money I have no idea.

"Hey, guys." Gracie greeted us from the store entrance.

"Hey Gracie." Me and Kyle waved back at her.

"What're you doing here?" She asked with a questionable look.

I was about to ask the same thing. "The real question is: What're YOU doing here?" I asked.

Her eyes averted from one side to another before laughing nervously. "That really doesn't matter." We all shrugged before heading inside. "But seriously, why are you guys here?"

"We're TPing Mrs. Streibel's house." I answered, grinning when we found the toilet paper aisle.

She blinked, "Do you guys think TPing her house is the right way to settle things?" We all looked at each other before nodding. She then grinned, "Count me in! Mrs. Streibel should be taught a lesson!"

We collected a whole bunch of toilet paper, filling up 2 carts, and made our way towards the checkout lane. The clerk's name was Jason, I don't know why I'm telling you this. He's a super minor character that only appears in this chapter. "Everything turn alright for you five?"

Cartman nodded, "Yep. Got everything we need."

"Not yet." I piped up before huddling into a group with my friends. "This'll seem a little suspicious if we're buying all this toilet paper."

"He's right." Kyle agreed.

Cartman groaned before grabbing the nearest item and placing it on the belt, a package of chewing gum. Really? "Okay, now we're set!"

"Mokay, let's see here. Toilet paper…" He said to himself, scanning the toilet paper one by one. "Toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper. So, what're you kids up to tonight?" He asked, still scanning the toilet paper.

"Oh, we're gonna watch TV, maybe play a board game." Cartman answered, his hands placed behind his back in a suspicious way.

Somehow, the clerk didn't seem to be bothered by this. "Nice relaxing day at home, huh? Okay, toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper. Eh, hey!" He picked up the chewing gum and waved it at us. At first, we were nervous. "Now you kids be careful with this chewing gum, don't be sticking it under tables."

Alright, we're cool. "Okay." Stan said, his eyes rolled in annoyance.

"Okay. Toilet paper, toilet paper, hey son I remember you comin' in last week and buying this much toilet paper." He pointed at Cartman, earning confused looks from all of us.

"Heh yeah, that's right." He shrugged.

The clerk returned to checking the toilet paper before Kyle leaned over to Cartman and whispered, "You TP'ed a house last week, Cartman?"

The fat boy shook his head, "No. Last Thursday night was fajitas night."

"Oh." Me and Kyle said before flashing him a disgusted look. "Uuugh."

* * *

Finally, the night came and it was time for some payback. We brought the toilet paper in a few plastic, black bags and arrived at the house. Thank god for Google maps and following her home from a stranger's help. No, no sign of creepiness from that.

"This is the house." Cartman smirked before pointing at a nearby window. "Wait! Look there!" Inside the house was Mrs. Streibel setting up the dining-room table. "This is totally the place." He loosened his backpack drawstrings.

Two kids, about a few years younger than us, who were girls, came running to the dining-room and sat down at the table. "Oh wait, wait, there's kids inside." Kyle pointed, slowly backing away from the house.

I stopped him, "So?"

"So we're not TPing a house with kids inside it!" His voice rose as he said this, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Kyle, we all agreed to this!" Stan exclaimed, walking closer to his best friend. We actually did agree to this, but we DIDN'T say anything about kids. But I'm still TPing her house.

"Yeah guys, maybe he's right." Gracie mumbled, lowering the toilet paper.

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Kyle, Gracie, stop bein' assholes! Now let's do this thing and get out of m'yeah." Cartman soon took out a roll of toilet paper and took a step forward. "This is what I think of your stupid art class, you God-damned bitch!" He unleashed the first roll, followed by me then Stan.

Rolls of toilet paper went on the roof, gutters, nearby trees, or anything else around the house. I grinned, throwing the toilet paper at the house. Yeah, take that you stupid bitch! TP was everywhere. The house looked like it was dressed up as a ghost. When I looked back at Kyle, my grin faded when he froze in awe while Gracie shook her head in denial.

Cartman ran towards the sidewalk. "Come on, guys!"

"We have to go." I grabbed Gracie's wrist and dragged her to the sidewalk to flee from the scene.

* * *

We escaped, stopping at our bus stop gulping for air. We ran and ran until the house was out of sight and we felt safe. Cartman, which didn't surprise me, was nearly having a heart attack next to me. Fat boy ran for the first time ever, right?

"We're in trouble! SOOO much trouble!" Kyle panicked, pacing around the bus stop sign.

Cartman ignored him and smiled, "That was awesome!"

I couldn't help but crack a smile. To be honest, I did feel bad, but I did get a good laugh out of it. "How could you say that?" Gracie panted. "She had KIDS in there, Cartman! Adorable, lovable kids, who happened to be girls!"

"Who cares?" Cartman laughed.

"Well YOU don't, because you're a non-caring asshole, Cartman!" Kyle exclaimed, scowling at him.

Cartman scoffed. "Me?" He then took a couple of steps forward and pointed at Kyle, "There's toilet paper on your hands too, Kyle!"

Kyle blanched before Stan walked up to him and patted him on the back. "He's right, dude. We're all in this together."

* * *

We were caught. God damn it! My parents grounded me for getting detention on the first day of school AND for TPing Mrs. Streibel's house! So they doubled it. I got detention again, for 2 weeks! Cartman only got 1 week because he confessed about it when Kyle, Stan, Gracie, and me were planning to tell the truth after Butters, I don't know why, turned himself in. Cartman, at first, didn't get why we wanted to confess, but we told him normal people would confess or something like that.

"**Dude, you there?**" A few blinking lights caught my attention from the window. When I looked out, I saw Stan waving at me from his bedroom window. A flashlight was in his hand. Oh yeah, we made up a way to communicate to one another if we got grounded or stuck indoors. We made our own language using the blinks of flashlights. It took us a while, but we got the hang of it.

"**Yeah, I'm here.**" I clicked the flashlight a few times.

"**Stupid Cartman. Always getting out of trouble! It irritates me, you know?**"

"**I know, bro. He sucks!"**

"**How long you grounded for?"**

"**2 weeks. You?"**

"**Same. My Dad and your Dad are drinking downstairs, they're so loud!"**

"**No shit, Sherlock!"**

"**Bite me."**

"**That's gay, Marsh!" **

"GO TO SLEEP, JACOB!" I heard my Dad roar from Stan's window downstairs.

"**Shit, gotta go. 'Night Stan."**

"**Yeah, goodnight…."**

* * *

**Author: Sorry for the short and confusable chapter. I was SO busy and I was graduating from school and what not. Don't worry, next chapter will be longer and funnier, I promise. **

**OCs still being accepted! STILL PLANNING TO USE SOME!**

**Shout out to Gibina11748 and her incredible story "Little Mountain Town"! Go check it out!**


	4. Grey Dawn

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter: Grey Dawn**

* * *

Well, now we have to go pick up Grandpa at the retirement home. I don't know why we have to pick him up if he's got a license and can drive himself to our house. Dad keeps telling me that old people are dangerous when it comes to driving and they could kill people. That was a load of bullshit, in my opinion. Anyway, about my Grandad, he doesn't act like no old man. No, he doesn't have no back injuries, no spine problems, no wheel chairs, he's been more energetic than ever before.

"Well, it's about damn time you got here." He mumbled, walking towards the family car.

I noticed my Dad roll his eyes in annoyance, "Hey Dad." Dad and Grandpa have been fighting lately. Ever since Grandma died, Grandpa has been more cranky and bossier than ever. He'll complain if it's too cold in the house or too hot, the food is too mushy, or the TV is too loud.

But that's what old people do. "Jack," Grandpa started, looking down at me from his seat next to me.

I sighed, "Grandad, it's Jake, not Jack. We've been over this billions of times." I didn't even bother. He'd just forget anyway.

Grandpa wore reading glasses and had a long, grey beard and bald hair. What's with my family and beards? My Dad has one, my Grandad, and even my Uncle! Anyway, he wore a green, knitted sweater my Grandma made before she died, and slacks. "Whatever, Jack," He says. I told you. "What're you doing on that damn device?"

"You mean my phone?" I asked in a 'matter of fact' tone. I was playing a game on my phone before Grandpa snatched it from my hand. "HEY!"

"What the hell kind of phone is this?" He asked before taking out his phone. His phone was a flip-phone. Ew. "It's too damn bright for me! What's with the big screen? Why am I doing this, Billy?!" Me and Dad huffed. This is gonna be a long ride home.

* * *

We were gathered around at the Farmer's Market because an elderly driver killed 9 people in the market. This happened about yesterday, I think. There was a ceremony held and we were all dressed in suits and all those things people wear to funerals. Father Maxi read to us from the bible while Cartman yawned in disrespect.

"You're an insensitive asshole, Cartman." Kyle hissed, pinching Eric in the arm. "Nine people DIED!"

"Yeah, but eight of them were hippies." Cartman pointed out, "Hippies always go to Farmer's Market…"

Jensen shook his head, "I've never seen one hippie at a Farmer's Market before." Gracie nodded in agreement, holding a rose in one of her hands.

I decided to stay away from the argument and whispered to Stan, "Hey, is it me, or does Kalel always go on Jensen's side?" We both focused back on the argument to see Kalel backing up Jensen with 'evidence', or just hitting Cartman.

Stan nodded in agreement, "Oh yeah. They always side with each other, the same with you and Gracie lately."

"Remind me to kick your ass after this." I nudged him in the ribs, which he responded with a giggle.

"You guys need a hotel room?" Kenny joked before laughing, making me scowl at him and Stan blush. Father Maxi continued to talk for a straight 2 minutes, and I didn't pay attention to a word he was saying.

That is, until I heard Mr. Garrison scream, "LOOK OUT!" Everyone ran from the streets when a car came zooming past us and ran over some people before crashing into a pole. It ended up being another elderly person. God, where do they come from? My Mom and Dad quickly brought me and Joey home before anymore chaos occurred.

* * *

At the dinner table, we were eating meatloaf, which was gross, before I had to get something off of my mind. "Dad, how come they let old people drive?" My Dad should know this. Even though he drinks a lot, he was pretty smart about serious things.

Dad finished his meatloaf before saying, "Well son, it's a very fragile issue." He said before sipping on a drink to get rid of the nasty meatloaf taste out of his mouth.

I frowned, "But they kill people."

"Jake, senior citizens have to be dealt with very calmly. We can't just simply 'take' their licensees away." He replied in a calm and smooth tone. My Mom looked at me and nodded, siding with my Dad. Joey was too busy playing with his food to pay attention.

That's when Grandpa decided to stroll in, a hand placed on his back. "That's right! I'll be damned if they DO take my license away!"

"Hey, Dad." Mom greeted when Grandpa plopped a seat next to her.

"I heard what y'all said, taking seniors' driving privileges away! But let me tell you something shortcake, I worked 60 years from World War II all the way to the Korean War!" My Dad rolled his eyes in annoyance as my Grandpa continued his speech. "I protected the president in 1978 and I'll be damned if the government steps in and take away my rights to drive!"

I was silent for a moment before blurting out, "I think old people should have rights, Grandpa. But I just don't wanna die." I was completely honest with that statement. Sure, old people DO have rights, but when it comes behind the wheel, I really don't want to die.

* * *

Believe it or not, the DMV ordered all senior citizens over the age of 70 to hand over their license. Unfortunately, they didn't take them away yet, they're waiting to pass the law. Let me ignore that for now because we're playing street hockey right now, me, Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Jensen, and Cartman. Kalel and Gracie watched from the sidelines.

"With just ten seconds to go, the offense makes its move." Cartman commentated to himself, standing in front of our goal, which was an empty garbage pail. "Marsh heads towards the goal and passes it to the poor kid, then he passes it to Blondie, then to the Jew. The Jew shoots!" Kyle hit the puck, or tennis ball, to the goal, only for Cartman's fat self to block it. "Oh and the shot is missed! Proving once and for all that Jews can't play hockey!"

"It isn't fair!" Kyle cried out, "Cartman's so fat that he's bigger than the goal!"

I nodded in agreement before Cartman shrugged, "No I don't, I just have the perfect hockey body."

Gracie scoffed, "Yeah right! You have the perfect dough boy body, for sure!" We all laughed while Cartman turned red in anger and embarrassment.

"GET OFF THE STREETS!" We heard someone scream from the distance. Following the voice, we looked straight ahead to see a figure wearing a blue shirt, flailing his arms in the air like one of those tube-things, which look like people, they have at car dealerships. Seriously, I forgot what those were called. Anyway, he sprinting towards us as well. "OFF THE STREETS!"

"Who's that?" Kalel asked with a raised eyebrow.

"STREETS! OFF! RAGGGHHH!" At this point, the man was out of breath from screaming. "GET OFF THE STREETS!"

That's when I figured it out. "Dude, Stan, that's your Dad!"

"Looks like Stan's dad's been drinking the bottle lately." Cartman pointed out deadpanned. Stan was too confused to glare at him before Kenny let out a muffled scream and pointed down the road. We turned around and spotted several carts driving towards us….

"OLD PEOPLE!" I gasped.

"Oh shit!" Kyle yelled out.

Mr. Marsh finally caught up to us in time and led us off the streets, running for our lives. "RUN!" He yelled before running into an abandoned house. I don't give two shits if this place looks creepy and eerie, I just want to get away from those old people! "Alright, everyone calm down." He closed the blinds before sighing out in relief.

"Dad, what's happening?" Stan asked in fright.

"Isn't it obvious? Old people are attacking!" I exclaimed, my hands placed on my hips.

"We're safe in here." Randy decided to change the situation and peeked out the window. It was clear. "Don't worry-ahhh!" A vehicle made impact with the wall next to us and we all screamed in horror.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Jensen screamed when we were running up the steps while an elderly woman in her car was chasing us. She was asking if this was some sort of avenue or something like that. Anyway, we reached a, what it appeared to be a closet, but when we opened it, a dead body was hung upside down with a missing eye and a few fingers missing.

Yep, this house was fucked up.

Acting fast, Randy dragged us to the nearest room and locked the door. We all gasped for air in this dusty, old room before he wiped his forehead. "We might have to stay here for the night." Yeah, I agree. It's not safe with old people driving around town. "Maybe the whole winter if we have to."

Fuck that. "No, Dad!" Stan protested, like he was reading my mind. "You just need to tell old people to stop driving!"

Randy rolled his eyes in annoyance, "It's not that easy, Stan!" Stan's dad must've gave him the same bullshit my Dad gave me! It's not 'easy' to tell old people not to drive. "Okay, now, help me find the light-switch." To our relief, he found one, but the room was a bit too bright in the front. We slowly turned around, only for another fucking vehicle just sitting there with two old people in it!

"How'd we get up here?" The driver asked.

"My thoughts exactly!" Gracie and I shouted before running out the room again.

* * *

Well it's about damn time! Finally, the DMV took ALL elderly people's licenses and the streets can be safe again. I do feel bad for Grandpa though, he was sulking all day about it and he didn't bother saying 'goodbye' to me when I left for school. Dad was glad that old people can't drive anymore so he can go drinking and not worry about old people crashing into things, or people. You know, I nearly died yesterday because of Stan's Grandpa.

Yep, my friend's Grandpa tried to kill us. He took us driving to the store and, of course, he ran over people and that was when they officially announced that ALL people above the age of 70, I think, must hand in their license.

In school, Mr. Garrison was babbling on about his lesson until he looked out the window and spotted several parachute men or women, carrying duffle bags filled with….items. We all looked before he stepped outside to investigate. Oh, this isn't going to end well.

"It's the AARP: The American Association of Retired Persons." Stan explained.

Wow, I didn't the AARP meant that. I always thought it meant The American Association of Retarted People….I'm going to hell. "OLD PEOPLE GONE MAD!" Gracie gasped when Mr. Garrison was hit in the face with the butt of a gun. The old people started to shoot at the windows, and everyone ducked in cover. "AHH!"

"GET DOWN!" I screamed when the bullets started to fly in our direction. I kept Gracie's head down for a while before the shots were stopped and the old people's voices died down. "Everyone okay?" I earned a few moans and groans in response. I'm guessing they're okay.

"That was too damn close." Gracie sighed before smiling at me. I smiled back before Cartman, being the dick he was, started to make gagging noises. "Fuck you, fat boy!"

"AY!"

"Just stop." Kyle huffed.

* * *

I don't know how we did it, but we actually escaped the wrath of the old people. We got out of school and made it back to town, but everyone older than us were kept like prisoners surrounded by a gate with barbed wire on top and elderly people guarding the front entrance. Gee, all this happened in an hour or two?

"Dad!" I called out when my Dad was warming his hands near a fireplace created with a lot of newspaper.

He let out a breath of relief and ran up to us, "Jake! Boys! Girls! You're alive!"

"Dad, why're you letting the old people do this?" I had to ask this because this was getting ridiculous. "Why couldn't anyone just stop them?"

"They've tried to stop them, son but, the seniors get up so early in the morning." He replied with a serious tone. Old people really do get up early in the morning. One time, I woke up around 8 o'clock and my Grandpa was up since 4! "They get everything done before anyone else is awake!"

"They're talking about taking over the whole country." Kyle piped up.

My Dad nodded, "Yes. Seeing on how early they get up, they can take the entire world in less than a month." That's when an idea formed in his head for the first time ever. "Wait, boys! You get up almost as early as they do!"

"Yeah, for school." Stan said.

"Which was full of shit." Kalel mumbled.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance and ignored my two friends. "Can't you guys do it?"

"No, son, we like to sleep in." He replied back. That didn't answer my question at all. We then heard some old people order two hostages to the front entrance. "Shit! They're coming, go boys! Avenge me! Avenge-meeeeeeeee!" I shook my head in embarrassment before we vanished into the woods.

"Weird Dad you got there." Jensen chuckled.

* * *

I can't believe it. It actually worked! Kyle thought of a plan to lock the Country Kitchen Buffet, where old people LOVED to eat, from the inside so the seniors could starve to death! It was pure gold, and it was a success. Remind me to give Kyle some money for his brilliant plan. No hug or anything, I don't do hugs. So, the seniors were taken back to their homes, retirement homes, or were either arrested and all the parents were reunited with other of their family members.

"What about this one?" A cop asked my Dad, handcuffing my Grandad.

"No, leave him." My Dad shrugged, "I think he learned his lesson, right Dad? I think someone here owes mister policeman an apology." At this point, my Dad was treating Grandpa like a 5 year old.

Grandpa fell silent before I sucked my teeth, "Oh stop it, Dad! This is your fault too!" His face was written with confusion, so I explained it to him. "Look, Grandpa doesn't want to be talked to like a child, and neither do I. I think he was angrier about how you were dealing with this problem."

"Yeah!" Grandpa nodded in agreement.

My attention then turned to him, "And Grandpa, you should be proud if you lived your life to reach a senior, but you should also realize that when you get behind the wheel, you're a killing machine."

"I know, boy, I know. I just want to feel young again, like my old self. But I guess those years were way behind me, huh?" He chuckled out. "That's why I'm gonna stop driving and take responsibility from now on!"

"Well," Dad piped up. "I think this has been a learning experience for the Andrews family. People died, but we all grew a little. Let's go home."

"I'll drive." Grandpa offered. They all laughed and I turned around to my friends with a depressed look on my face.

Gracie shrugged, "Sorry there, Jake."

Yeah, I felt sorry for myself too. I hate my family right now.

* * *

**OCs still accepted! NEW OCs INTRODUCED NEXT CHAPTER!**

**Author: Alright, here's the deal. I'm pairing Jake with Gracie (Who belongs to gibina11748) but I will introduce them in the next few chapters. But, if you want to see them early, check out "Little Mountain Town" by the same author who owns Gracie!**


	5. The Bet With Raisins

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 5: The Bet with Raisins**

**Author: Sorry for the long update! My updating schedule will be tight for the rest of the month because I've found a job and the hours are as long as hell! But don't worry, I'll try to update every week or two. I'm also going to North Carolina this week and yes, I'm bringing my computer so don't worry. As for my other stories, they'll be on hold for a while.**

**SEQUEL?**

* * *

SLAP!

"OW!" Stan rubbed his red cheek after I slapped the shit out of him. Why am I doing this you might ask? Well, me and him made up a game where you have to hold your opponents right forearm, or left according to their POV, and slap one of the person's cheek repeatedly until they let go of your forearm or they call it quits.

I don't know why we made this up, but it was worth it.

SLAP!

"Heh, OW!" I couldn't help but chuckle in pain when Stan's hand met my cheek. The rules were simple: No back-hand slapping, punching, pinching, or slapping two different cheeks. No one can also interfere and if so, the person who was hit will automatically win.

"You guys are so stupid, it's not even funny." Kalel shook her head at us as we continued playing our game.

"You wouldn't understand it because you're a girl!" Cartman snapped, smirking at Kalel, who scowled at him.

Kyle was cheering us on while Kenny was doing the same, but was pressuring us on chickening out. No, that doesn't count as an interference. "You suck! Just give up! Look at your cheek! It's as red as a strawberry!" He says while walking between us.

"You're making it worse, Kenny!" Gracie said. Said poor boy only shrugged in response.

That's when a girl with red hair and violet eyes walked up to us and smiled. "I bet five dollars on Stan!" She wore a hat like Stan's, but hers was purple and red. She also wore a purple coat with a dark blue scarf, yellow pants, black shoes, and purple gloves. I think her name was Jon, and met her a few days ago. Believe it or not, she was 'homeless' and Cartman would make fun of her for it. She lives in a U-STOR-IT storage unit and rarely told me about her family.

"HEY!" I piped up.

Jon grinned, "Sorry!"

By now, almost everyone in the cafeteria was surrounding us, placing bets and other things like that. "I bet ten on Jake!" Craig handed the bills to Kenny, who only smirked under his hood.

"Six dollars on Stan!" Clyde exclaimed, handing his money to Cartman. So basically, it went like this, Kenny was on my side and Cartman was on Stan's.

"S-s-se-v-en o-n J-Ja-ake." Jimmy said, holding the dollar bills.

"TIMMY!" Timmy called out, a handful of money in his hand.

"What're they doing over there?" Charlee asked, looking over her shoulder to see the slapping contest unfold.

Bebe shrugged, "Playing some stupid game, I guess. So, Wendy, why're you breaking up with Stan again?" Charlee was shocked to hear this. Stan and Wendy breaking up? But they were so cute together, why did Wendy want them to break up?

"I love Stan, but I just don't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore." Was all she replied with her shoulders up.

"But that still doesn't explain much." Charlee said.

Wendy rolled her eyes, "I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore, okay? Things haven't been working out."

"But you guys were so cute…."

"Look, Charlee, you wouldn't understand." Wendy shook her head at her friend, who was taken aback by her remark. What does she mean by that?

"Easy, Wendy. She didn't mean that, Charlee." Bebe comforted her friend, who nodded while looking at the ground.

Right now, my cheeks hurts like a bitch! It was red and swollen, but Stan's was a little worse. I have to admit, I wasn't holding back that last slap. I could see it in Stan's eyes that he wanted to quit, but he refused to. "How about this?" Stan started, "If I win, YOU…" he then leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "…have to ask Gracie to be her boyfriend." I blushed hard. I like Gracie, it's true, but I wasn't going to be ready by today!

I sighed, "Okay, but if I win, YOU have to dress up like a girl tomorrow!" The people on my side laughed.

Surprisingly, Stan nodded. "Deal. I'll go first." His hand slowly rose in the air and was ready to swing down….

But something caught me off balance.

"I heard Wendy's breaking up with Stan later." A girl whispered to her friend, who gasped.

WHAM! SHIT! NO! I let go of my friend's forearm and clutched my stinging cheek. Everyone cheered for Stan, including Kenny for some reason. Well, I lost, and I have to ask someone on a date later with a puffed up cheek. I wish I could ask her tomorrow so I can feel no more pain, but a deal was a deal, sadly. I've never broken a deal before and this one was one of them. "Oh man." I grumbled before Gracie walked up to me and smiled. "Sorry, I was caught up on something."

"You got knocked the hell out." She giggled, which made me laugh. I glanced at Stan, who gestured toward Gracie so I can make my move. He was teary from the slapping contest a bit, but it was really hard to tell. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, "Oh, no. Nothing, just…admiring the floor." Really? God, I'm so stupid! Please save me someone! Chef, Kenny, Kalel, even Brain Boitano!

* * *

Thank god for recess. It took my mind off of things from lunch and we can focus back on a game of football. Kalel and Gracie watched from the sidelines and, surprisingly, Jon decided to join us. Cartman complained about playing with a girl and I told him to shut up and deal with it.

"Okay. 23!" Stan called out, standing behind Cartman. That's when Bebe decided to stroll in and tap Stan on the shoulder behind him. "Blue, 23! Set hut! Set hut!" Stan didn't notice her this time. Bebe tapped him on the shoulder harder, catching his attention.

"Wendy breaks up." I heard her simply say. Uh oh.

Stan's face was written with disbelief and hurt when I turned around to face him, frowning. "What?" He asked in confusion.

"Wendy breaks up with you." She stated again before turning around to leave.

Stan was too shocked to move so I stopped her. "Oh whoa, hold on a second! What did he do wrong?" I asked in a demanding tone. Yeah, I'll admit it, they were a nice couple, but why would she do this? In fact, why couldn't Wendy tell him herself?

"She just doesn't wanna be with him anymore, cutie." Was she still hitting on me? "She said she still wants to be friends."

Everyone turned around to see the commotion and Cartman sucked his teeth. "Whatever, Bebe! Just get out of our game you stupid skank!"

Bebe glared at him, "Fuck you, fatass! You guys are assholes!"

"Well at least we HAVE assholes, ya dumb girl!" Butters innocently shot back, making the other boys agree.

She rolled her eyes, "God you're so stupid!" She then turned around and walked away. To be honest, half of them really were stupid. Cartman, Clyde, Butters was just naïve, and sometimes Craig. Kalel and Gracie walked besides us with confused looks.

"What was that about?" Kalel asked.

"Stan, are you okay?" Gracie asked with concern, looking at Stan.

"Stan, you playing?" Jensen asked, looking back at us. Stan simply put his hands in his pocket and walked away, slowly with his head hung. I tried to run after him, but Gracie stopped me from doing so. I feel real bad for him. I mean, I've never been heartbroken before over a girl, but this was just wrong.

* * *

The next day at school, I was helping Kyle with his science homework near our lockers before Stan walked up to us, still upset over the breakup. "Guys," he started off with a sniff. Oh please don't cry dude! "Can one of you go talk to Wendy for me?"

"Oh no, man! I gotta finish my science homework!" Kyle rejected the offer before looking at me.

I shook my head, "No. It'll just make things awkward because she'd think I want to go out with her again." That was the first thing that popped in my head and I blurted it out.

Stan stared at us with a disappointed look before Kyle sighed and handed me his textbook. "God dammit." He muttered before walking over to Wendy, who was taking books out of her locker.

There was an awkward silence between us before I decided to break the ice. "Stan, you need to get over her." I say, but he doesn't respond. "Stan, we're in the fourth grade, buddy. You shouldn't be heartbroken over a simple thing like this. You're acting like Wendy was the only girl in the world."

"You wouldn't understand!" He snapped, making me raise an eyebrow. Wow, Stan never talked to me like that before! "You don't know how it feels to be dumped!"

"Yeah, I d-"

"Just get out of here!" He huffed, pointing down the hall.

I scowled at him while reading the textbook. "This is MY locker, Stan. So you leave." I reply, not bothering to look up.

"Oh, right." He said before walking away. By now, Kyle came back to deliver the news, but noticed that Stan was gone.

"Oh come on!" He shouted angrily before sitting back down next to me and reading the textbook. I couldn't help but look at Stan, who was trying to ask Gracie to talk to Wendy. This whole breakup really messed him up. Don't worry buddy, I'll help you out.

* * *

"Hey guys, welcome to Raisins!" A girl our age with long, blonde hair smiled at us wearing a Raisins shirt. It was me, and Kyle's, idea to take Stan to Raisins to show him that there were a whole lot of girls out there. If you want to know what Raisins is, just imagine Hooters but our age. Yeah, I know right. "Nine of you? Great!" She pulled out the menus and led us to our table. Jensen was supposed to come, at first, but Kalel refused to go in there and he decided to not as well.

I still don't know why Gracie and Jon came, maybe to cheer Stan up.

"Here you go, guys! Lexus will be right with you!" The waitress said before walking away.

"What'd you think, Stan? These girls are pretty cute, huh?" Kyle asked Stan, who looked down at the table.

"Cheer up, man. Wendy's old news!" I tried to lighten his mood, but to no avail. Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought.

"Jesus Christ, I think I've just died and g-gone t-to h-heaven." Jimmy cheered.

Butters shook from excitement next to him. "This place is awesome!"

"Hell no it isn't!" Gracie retorted.

"Than why'd you come?" Cartman asked with a smirk.

"Oh please, you're only here for the food!" Jon shot at Cartman, who only shrugged.

Our waitress, Lexus, stood up on a stool in front of our table with a notepad in her hand. "Hey guys!" Butters gaped at her while I told Kenny to NOT touch her at all. Oh Kenny, you little pervert. "How are we today?"

"Good." All the boys piped up. Gracie refused to make eye-contact with her and Jon felt uncomfortable.

"I'm so glad you guys came in! Everyone here is such a loser but you guys seem pretty cool." She admitted. Yeah, no, she was full of shit. Another waitress said that to another table when we went past it. "So what can I get you?"

* * *

"No. Fucking. Way. I am not going back in there." Gracie said after we walked out of Raisins.

"Don't be a fucking pussy, Gracie." Cartman said in annoyance.

She turned to him. "I am not a pussy. If anything you're the pussy." This made Jon laugh. "How can you expect me, and Jon, to go back into that place that makes young girls look like whores!?"

"Oh. Ouch! Your bitchiness. It hurts!" Cartman acted like he was just shot with a gun or something.

THWAP!

I nailed him on the back of his head, making him collapse to the floor. "OW! Jake! What the fuck?!"

"Thanks. I was gladly to do it myself." She said to me, making me smile.

"…Dude, I don't have time to start look for other girls! I'm nine years old!" I heard Stan say to Kyle, who frowned. What? "If I don't work things out with Wendy, I could be alone my whole life!"

"Bullshit, Stan." Jon shook her head at the black haired kid.

Stan ignored her. "I can't let Wendy go. This whole time I've been letting my friends do the talking for me, it's time I took control."

"Didn't you hear me?!" Jon yelled in the background.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked him when he walked past me. He stared at me before gripping my hand and dragging me onto the sidewalk. "AH! What're you doing?! People will think we're…"

"I need your help." He says, cutting me off. "I need to win Wendy back. You used to date her, so you should have some tips or something."

I rolled my eyes before sighing, "Stan. Stan, stop." I ordered. He obliged and loosened his grip on my hand. "Stan, just face facts, it's over. Look, I'm your friend, and we're friends till the end, and I'll always help you in problems. But this, this is out of control. You've only been together for a few months, buddy. She's not your life, Stan….dude." He looked in the other direction so I fixed his head to face me. "You still got us, right? Besides Cartman. Anyway, there're a lot of girls out there, buddy. That's why we went to Raisins. I know you loved Wendy, but that was in the past. You need to move to the present. Do you know what happens to people when they keep chasing their ex's? They turn out to be bums, dude. Do you want to be one?"

Stan remained silent. "Did I miss anything?" Came Gracie's voice. Said girl walked up to us, smiling.

"Nothing." Stan replied, looking at the ground.

"I gave him a quick and emotional speech and now I've ran out of things to say." I whispered to her. "So….good luck!" I pushed her closer to Stan and she gave me a scowl before clearing her throat.

"Whatever he said was right." She started off. "Stan, we're your friends. We are there for you every minute, every day. Okay? Who cares about some dumb girl anyway? So, wipe that frown off your face and let's go do something!"

To my surprise, Stan's frown faded into a small smile. "Yeah. That sounds cool."

"Anyone up for some ice cream and Terrance and Phillip at my house?" I asked with a grin on my face, my arms wrapped around Stan and Gracie.

"Sure!" They agreed.

We all marched to my house, Stan's depression leaving his mind. That was the night I walked home, my arms wrapped around my best friend and my best (girl) friend.

"Hey, wasn't there a bet you had to do?" Stan smirked.

Stan, heh, I hate you so much right now!


	6. I Have A What?

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters besides OCs.**

**Chapter 6: I Have A What?**

**Author: First, let me say, this is MY OWN CHAPTER! THIS IS NOT BASED OFF AN EPISODE! A new character will be added to my story and is my own OC. Yes, OCs can still be submitted. Just PM me or tell me in the review box.**

**Update: I'm in North Carolina right now until Tuesday and I'm back in New York. So, I'll be working on Chapter 7 and find what episode it should be based off of. So for now, enjoy!**

* * *

Damn, it's so loud in my house, and I'm outside! Me and my friends were playing street hockey again and our Dads were watching the basketball game in the living room. They were screaming at the TV if a foul was called and all that crap.

WHAP!

"OW! What the fuck, Cartman?!" I yelled at the obese kid, who just threw the puck at me.

He rolled his eyes, "Pay attention, Blondie. This is hockey!" I picked the puck up and threw it back at him, but he dodged it. "HA!" Gracie then nailed him in the nuts. "OW! AH!" Kyle laughed and Stan shook his head.

"Wow. Your girl saved the day yet again, Jake." Kenny says as he patted my back. I glared at him before Stan approached me.

"Speaking of girl, remember that bet?" He smirked at me. "Look, don't be a pussy, dude. Just ask Gracie out and this all will be over." I laughed before flipping him off. Can't you let this slide for only one more day, Stan? Today isn't a good day….for you if you keep it up. His eyes narrowed at me. "Fine, but I'll make you ask her out."

"Are we playing or what?" Kyle asked, standing between me and Stan.

"There's only thirty seconds left." Jensen stated. "Then after this we'll go to Shaky's. My treat."

"Where'd you get that type of money?" I asked, my eyebrows raised.

He shrugged. "Some rich guy dropped it."

"Cartman?"

"Cartman."

"AY! That was my allowance, asshole!" Cartman exclaimed after checking his pockets to realize it was his money.

"Oh please, what do you do to get an allowance?" Kalel asked with a smirk.

"Probably eating so the government can test out if humans can go past 12 tons." Stan chuckled, making us all laugh and Cartman turn red from anger and embarrassment.

* * *

Stan won't shut the fuck up about the bet. He's been calling me names and stuff every step we took. I was so close to punching him in the face, but then Gracie wouldn't like me anymore. Yeah, should've thought about that. Anyway, we were inside Shaky's, at our table, and Stan keeps giving me this look. He'll look at me, then Gracie, then me again and raise his eyebrows in a perverted way.

"Stan, stop that. It's creeping us out." Kyle pointed out the look on his friend's face. Thanks, Kyle.

That didn't stop Stan from looking at me. "Stop daydreaming about Jake and find what to eat!" Kenny snapped.

"That's a first." Jon said to Kenny. "I've never heard you like that before, Ken."

Our waiter finally arrives. "So what can I get you kids today?"

Stan cleared his throat before glancing up at me. "I'll get the blonde pussy and the side of a bet is a bet?"

I growled before raising my hand, getting the waiter's attention. "Yeah. I'll get the depressed, wimpy bitch and a side of…" I slammed my hands on the table and glared at Stan. "FUCK YOU!?"

"You know what? Change my order." Stan demanded. "I'll get the shut up before I kick your ass and a side of kiss my ass!"

"Can you also get me a large can of whoop ass?!"

"Make that two!"

"And for dessert, you can suck my balls!"

"You wish!"

"That's enough, you two!" Kyle demanded, scowling at the both of us. "You're scaring us!"

There was an awkward silence between us all before Cartman decided to say something stupid. "I don't think that's on the menu."

"I'll have what they're having." A man said from the table behind us.

"I'm leaving." I stated before leaving our booth and walking out the diner. Gracie tried to come after me, but Kenny stopped her from doing so. Stupid bet. Stupid Stan. I'm done. I'm walking home and spending the rest of the night myself.

* * *

So, I guess there's tension going around my house too? I mean, my parents were sitting on the couch when I got home and they were silent. Were they shocked, I think? I don't know. My Dad had a slip of paper in his hand and stared at it for a while. My Mom was rubbing his back and Joey was playing with his toys on the floor.

"Brother's home!" Joey cheered, looking up from his toys. My parents looked at me, then back at the paper.

"What's going on?" I asked with concern.

Things were too intense that my Dad didn't even bother drinking the rest of his beer. Yeah, that's how intense it was. "Jake, please sit." My Dad motioned me to sit on the couch, and I obliged. "Jacob, you know how your mother always wanted a girl?"

"Yeah." I nodded, my voice filled with caution.

"Well, she's not pregnant." My Dad stated.

Oh, okay.

"But, Jake," My Mom fell silent before continuing. "You DO have an older sister."

"…"

"…"

"…What?" I decided to speak up. "How? Where? Who? What? When?"

"Las Vegas, I was drunk and this was before your mother, her name is Jordan, I found a girl and we had a relationship and I just found out, and yes she is your sister." My Dad concluded. Again, silence.

"I have sissy!" Joey cheered again.

"And you just found out?" I asked Dad, who nodded. "But, this makes no sense!"

"How? You have a sister." Mom said, pointing the obvious.

"Her mother died from a gangbang, okay son?" Dad said like I didn't mind that my sister's mom died from having sex. "She was a whore anyway. Hopefully your sister isn't like that."

"I…I need to lay down." I mumbled before walking up the steps.

"Oh, we gotta pick her up tomorrow, too! So no school!" Dad shouted before I closed my door.

Girl problems are the worst. You know how I said I have no girl problems in chapter 2? Well, this isn't a 'girl' problem, but it involves girls does it?

* * *

We were at the airport, me and my family, along with Kenny. He decided to check up on me after the whole incident at Shaky's. He said Stan was still pretty pissed at me, and so was I. So, I can't blame him. He also said Kyle was going to talk to him after school today.

So yes, Kenny ditched school yet again.

"She should be here." Mom said, re-reading the letter she got from the mail. "Gate four, right?"

"Sure as hell looks like it." Dad shrugged before gulping down another beer.

Kenny leaned closer to me and whispered, "Our Dads act alike."

"I know. Both are rednecks and love beer." I whispered back, making him nod in agreement.

I'm still really nervous about meeting my sister. I hope she's one of those sisters who care for you if you end up getting hurt or one of those pretty sisters who easily introduces her older friends to you. Yeah, that would be awesome! Only if Kenny doesn't drool all over her.

"I think I see her." Dad said before waving his hand in the air.

"Oh…" Me and Kenny looked in surprise at my sister.

S-She's...

…

…Pretty.

She was tall and had long, dark blonde hair that reached to the middle of her back. She was skinny too, which was good. She had blue eyes and wore a long sleeved, belly shirt and a pair of jeans with white shoes and a white, flat baseball hat. From her looks, she looks about 18, maybe 19.

"…She's so hot!"

"Dude!" I yelled at Kenny with disgust, who kept staring at my sister.

When she stopped in front of us, she stared at my Dad for a while before embracing him with a hug. "Hey, Dad. I hoped to see you earlier than this."

"It's alright, Jordan." Dad returned the hug before pointing at my Mom. "This here is my wife, Lily." Mom said hello before kissing her on the cheek. "And this here is your youngest brother, Joey."

"Hey there, little man." Jordan smiled down at my bro, who gave her a cheesy smile.

"And this is Jacob, your other younger brother."

"Sup there, Jake?" She playfully punched my arm. "Looks like I'm staying with y'all for a while. Hope I don't embarrass you in front of your friends." I glanced at Kenny, who was now daydreaming about my sister from the look on his face. Noticing his look, Jordan frowned before pointing at him. "Is he with us too?"

"Sorry, sis, this is Kenny. One of my friends." I introduced my perverted friend before slapping him, waking him from his daydream.

Jordan only chuckled. "I see." She then pinched his cheek. "You still have ten more years, buddy."

"EW!" I exclaimed.

"I'm kidding!" She laughed and I sighed in relief.

"Sorry to interrupt the party," Mom said, approaching us and carrying Joey. "But we have to be on our way. I'm sure Jake and Kenny have lots of homework to do!"

"How do you know we have homework?" Kenny demanded.

"Because I'm right here, stupid!" Mr. Garrison exclaimed from behind us before exiting the airport.

Yeah, just going to ignore that right now.

* * *

How should I put this? I love having an older sister, but every time I walk past her room, I smell hair spray and nail polish. It just burns my nostrils! But, she does have a lot in common with me. We both like rap, we both like basketball, and we both have friends who act just like Kenny.

"TOUCHDOWN!" Kyle cheered after running across my lawn with a football in his hands.

Stan and Jensen cheered along while me and Kenny shook our heads at them. "Nice going, assholes!" Cartman glared at us. "You let them have a touchdown!"

I glared back. "You didn't even RUN when they had the ball!"

"Yeah stupid!" Jon shouted from the sidelines.

"Shut the fuck up!" Cartman snapped at Jon.

"No thanks!"

"Cartman, just shut up and play!" Gracie ordered. Kalel nodded in agreement and Cartman soon found himself on the defense line, ready to tackle the Jewish boy.

My front door opened revealed my sister walking out the door with her purse over her shoulder. "I'll be back!" She said to my Dad before shutting the door behind her. "Hey guys. I'm running to the store and I'll be right back."

"Sure/sure toots." Me and Kenny replied in unison.

"Shut up, Kenny!" I yelled.

"Who's that?" Kyle asked, in the same state Kenny was when he first met Jordan.

Ew! Why is everyone hitting on my sister?

"That's Jordan. She's my sister." I replied to my confused friends.

"…What?" They all asked dumbfounded at the news.

I rolled my eyes. "She's my sister, she's from Las Vegas…"

"Where all the skanks live." Cartman pointed out.

WHAM!

"OW! MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEHHHHH!" He wailed after I nailed him with the football and Kenny smacked in the arm. He ran home, still screaming, until it died down.

"Wow, your sister's…." Gracie couldn't choose what words to come out.

So Jensen decided to say it for her. "Hot." A scowl from Kalel finally decided to change his opinion. "I mean, pretty! Not hot, but pretty!" He concluded nervously.

"That's true." Stan says.

"Why're you here?" I demanded, my eyes narrowed at my 'friend'.

"Oh geez, if you two won't stop fighting, then I'm leaving." Kyle warned us, but to no avail.

"Your dad invited me here!" He replied, pointing at me.

"Oh, MY dad invited you? How lovely is that?!" I shouted, laughing a bit like I'm insane.

Kyle stomped on the ground. "That's it! I'm done! We're leaving!" Him, Kenny, Jon, Kalel, and Jensen finally had enough of our fighting and left. All that remained were me, Stan, and Gracie, who watched us awkwardly from the sidelines.

"This was all your fault!" I pointed angrily at him. "If it weren't for that stupid bet…"

"Stupid bet?!" He cut me off with disbelief. "A bet is a bet and you lost fair and square! I was trying to help you anyway!"

"Can you two please stop?" Came Gracie's voice, which calmed me down a bit. "This fighting isn't getting us nowhere. Just do the bet and ignore this whole thing!"

"Listen to her, dude!"

I couldn't get the right words to slip out of my mouth and shook my head. "Sorry Gracie, but this is personal."

Me and Stan walked closer to each other and took our gloves off. "Let's settle this." He stated, taking his last glove off. "Let this be our first and final battle."

I spat my last glove out of my mouth and our fists were up, ready to strike. "FIGHT!" We sprinted towards each other and did our very best to slap each other in the face, but only ended up slap fighting each other. We were too fast for human sight! Too fast that the speed of light wish it were faster than us! So fast that we ended up the next three blocks somehow!

"What the hell are they doing?" A man asked his friend, who shrugged when they walked past our fight. When we reached near a building, I shoved Stan into the wall and got the advantage. Until he turned around and shoved me against the wall. Again, we turned around only to collide with a nearby window and break through it.

"Not again." A store clerk rolled his eyes at us as we continued our epic fight around the store: Shoving each other against walls and shelves and food. Weird thing was that Gracie was following us everywhere we went.

"Ow. Asshole." Stan grunted when I landed a slap to his cheek.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" My sister broke apart the fight, separating me and Stan. "What the fuck are you two doing?! Fighting in public! Explain yourselves!"

Me and Stan gulped for air from our extreme, epic fight. "We…" I said, "…He started calling me names every time I didn't do the bet!"

"Hey! I won and you promised to do this bet!" He argued.

Jordan rose an eyebrow, "Wait. The two of you were fighting because of a bet?" We both nodded. She was silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. What? What's so funny? Isn't it normal for people to fight over a bet? "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" she exclaimed between giggles.

"What?" Me and Stan looked at her in confusion.

She finished her fits of giggles before explaining. "Look, people fight all the time. But over a bet? Guys, a bet is a bet." Stan flashed me an 'I told you so' look. "But that doesn't mean to make fun of the guy for not doing it. Give them some time." This time, I flashed him that look. "What was the bet anyway?"

"I bet if I win the slap contest, which I did," Stan said. "That Jake would have to ask Gracie out in secret." My jaw hung low as Stan slapped his hand over his mouth.

Gracie approached me with a blush on her face. "Is that true?"

I nervously nodded with a blush on my face. "Yeah."

All of us fell silent again before she….hugged me? "That's okay if you can wait. To be honest, I'm not ready either."

Jordan nodded to herself with a smile on her face. "My work here is done."

"How much for an oral?" Some guy asked my sister, his eyes averted to his crotch. My eyes widened before Jordan punched the guy square in the face, knocking a few of his teeth out during the process.

She grabbed a nearby toothbrush and threw it on the floor next to him. "Here, an Oral-b toothbrush. Two sixty nine."

"Sweet." Stan muttered.

"Yeah, we should go before the cops come." Jordan and us ran from the store and into the night.

I love my sister.


	7. The Wacky Molestation Adventure

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 7: The Wacky Molestation Adventure**

* * *

Having an older sibling is the best! Well for me. Jordan ended up going out of town this week to the rest of the family, much to my displeasure. So to cheer me up, she gave me nine tickets to The Raging Pussies, one of my favorite bands. Once I told Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and Jon, they went nuts. Kalel and Jensen were somewhat excited, but nothing compared to the other three. The only person we're missing is Kyle.

"Kyle! Kyle, Come here!" Stan called out to his Jewish friend, who was teaching his little brother how to play football.

He approached us with a raised eyebrow. "Wassup?"

I held out the tickets, making his eyes wide in shock. "Jake's sister just scored us nine tickets to The Raging Pussies. Cartman's got the whole bus schedule figured out too."

"Oh, sweet! Hang on…" He left our group before heading inside his house.

"Kyle! Don't tell your parents!" Jon shouted before the kosher boy slammed the door shut behind him.

We were all silent as we waited for our friend before Gracie decided to ask, "How'd your sister get the tickets anyway?"

Speaking of Gracie, I'm guessing things we still kind of awkward between us. Ever since me and Stan's big fight over the bet, she couldn't get over the fact she HUGGED me after that. Even though the bet was for me to ask her out, I still hadn't done it. Yeah, Stan is still mad at me for that, but I'm not scared. I've known him for nearly my whole life and I know his weak spots, trust me on that.

In fact, I think I knew him the day we were born! I don't know, I mean, that's what my Dad told me. Him and Randy were drinking buddies back in High School, which didn't surprise me. From what I heard, Mom got pregnant with me a few years after college.

* * *

**Flashback**

"_Oh, he's such a cutie." Sharon cooed as she held up a 2 month old baby with blonde hair. "Looks just like his Dad!"_

"_Thank you, Sharon." Lily nodded before holding up another baby, a month old baby, with black hair. "I can say the same for little Stanley here. Right, Daryl?" Both wives turned to their husbands, who were watching the football game while chugging down beer. "Daryl!"_

"_Randy!" Sharon snapped, catching her husband's attention. "You have a new born son and you're watching a game?!"_

_Daryl quickly hushed them up. "Not now, Lily! Denver's winning by seven!"_

_Both women huffed before setting the babies down and heading to the kitchen. Each baby stared at each other before glancing down at the one toy in between them, a rattler. The babies looked at it, then each other, before holding their arms out to grab it. They only ended up whining over it._

_The whining was too much for Daryl so he turned around, only to gasp. "R-Randy…." He tapped on his friend's shoulder, who also looked at the commotion._

"_Oh my god…" He trailed off. "…Daryl, do you know what this means?"_

"_BABY FIGHT!" They cheered before running over to the playpen. "Look at them!" The babies pulled on the rattler before their Moms returned and picked them up, glaring at the two men. "What'd we do?"_

"_You're drunk, you two!" Sharon exclaimed._

"_Wha-? No, we're not!" Randy rejected, his eyes half closed with his hands on his hips. "I have you know, Sharon, that I haven't been drunk since the last day of college!"_

_Daryl then puked all over the floor as Randy patted his back. "Yeah, see, I just puked rainbows! What's wrong?! You haven't seen anyone puke rainbows before?!"_

* * *

**Flashback…AGAIN**

"_BLAARGHHH!" A 5 year old Jake let it all out while at the park behind a tree with his Mom watching behind him._

_Stan, the same age, approached them with worry on his face. "What's wrong?"_

_Lily faced him before sighing. "Jake is not feeling well today, Stanley. He says his tummy hurts."_

"_Oh." Said 5 year old stood there for a moment before walking up to the sick boy and started to rub his back smoothly. Once again, Jake let it out, but this didn't sit well for Stan. "BLAARGHH!" He then let it out all over the tree._

* * *

**Present Time**

"…Jake?" I haven't noticed Stan wave his hand in front of my face until now. "Dude, what's wrong? You've been zoned out for a while."

I turned red from embarrassment. "Oh, nothing. Just thinking about stuff."

Cartman laughed. "Yeah, about how to flirt with Gracie." This earned him a kick to the nuts from Gracie again and a punch to the arm from me.

"What WERE you thinking about?" Kalel asked.

"Must've been a flashback or something." Jon observed.

Then Kyle walked back outside with defeat masking his face. "I can't go. My parents won't allow me to."

"Dude, who said to tell your parents?" Jensen asked with disbelief. "I didn't tell mine. Neither did everyone else."

"Yeah." Cartman nodded in agreement. "I told my Mom I'm staying at Jake's house, Stan told his parents he's staying at my house, Jake told his parents he's staying at Stan's, Kenny's parents are too drunk…"

"Okay, he gets it." Gracie snapped.

"Dude, just lie to your parents." I suggested, approaching the Jew. "Works with mine every time." The questionable look from him made me explain more. "Look, just tell them…" I thought for a moment before snapping my fingers. "…Tell them that Stan ended up…dying from a car crash."

"Dude!" Kyle exclaimed in shock.

"Fuck you, Blondie!" Stan shouted angrily.

"What's wrong with blonde people?" Kenny asked jokingly.

I only laughed before patting his back. "I'm just kidding with you, Stanley. But for real Kyle, just lie to their faces. It's really easy."

Kyle only shrugged. "I don't know, Jake. I can't just do that."

"Why not?" Jon asked in confusion.

"Kyle's basically a goodie-two shoes who listens to his parents." Gracie responded.

"Am not!"

"Yes you are." Stan nodded at him.

* * *

Whoa, I can't believe this. Kyle actually managed to make it to the Raging Pussies concert with us…in his underwear. Somehow, his parents were arrested for being accused of molesting Kyle, even though it was false. So, Cartman managed to convince Kyle to do it, and it worked.

So now, we're having a party at Kyle's house. Everyone was invited, and I mean EVERYONE! Every kid from our grade was invited, this was insane!

"Dude, I'm gonna tell my parents molested me too!" Stan cheered, jumping on the couch.

"Me too!" Cartman nodded in agreement, also jumping on the couch.

Me and Gracie glanced at one another, frowning as they said this.

"Do you think this will turn out bad?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes as I chuckled. "It always does."

* * *

Some days later, a car winds its way down the winding road in a snow storm. The couple inside the car looked at their surroundings, trying to find for a road marker.

"Oh, sweetie. I have no idea where we are!" The woman exclaimed in fright, her hand placed near her mouth.

The man driving glanced at her before trying to focus on the road ahead. "I haven't seen a road marker for miles. What was the last highway we were on?"

The woman took out a map, unfolded it, and stared at it for a moment before letting out a low gasp. "There has to be a town around here somewhere!" She cried out.

"Maybe you're reading the map wrong?" The man asked.

"Hey!" She snapped. "It was your idea to take the backroads!" The engine then started to sputter, shocking the couple. "What's going on?" She asked in worry.

"I have no idea." He replied in worry like his girlfriend. "Oh. We're gonna have to find some help quick. We're not gonna make it more than a couple of miles." The woman tapped his shoulder and pointed at a sign that read 'SMiLEY ToWN' "Smiley town? That's a strange name. Well, it'll do. The next town won't be for another hundred miles anyway."

"Hello?" The woman called out, her voice ringing around the abandoned town. "Anybody?!" The response she got was silence. As they continued walking, they managed to pass a few sings that read 'IT'S OUR TURF' and 'WE'RE FIGHTING BACK' all written in red marker. "Mark, I'm scared."

"There's nothing to be worried about, Linda." The man, Mark, wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulders. "It's just signs." They looked at the road ahead, only to spot a little boy staring at them. "See? Excuse me!" Mark waved his hand in the air. "Do you have a phone?!"

"….Maybe…!" The boy shouted back, his voice sounding somewhat cheerful.

"Look, please, all we need is…" Mark was cut off by the sound of motors running, followed by tires screeching on a pavement. The couple turned around, noticing a few kids on bikes, making motorcycle noises as they approached the couple with bats in their hands. They were wearing masks that looked like a clown, a rotting face, or their face painted black and white. "Okay, now I'm scared."

"Outlanders?!" A voice yelled in disbelief.

"W-Who's there?" Linda asked in fear. "Who are you people?" By now, the bikers circled around the couple, still making motorcycle noises.

"It doesn't matter who we are!" The figure was a kid, about the age of 9, with dark blonde hair sticking up from behind his mask. Speaking of his mask, it was pure white with fainted blue paint around its eye holes and fainted red paint on its cheek. He wore a black hoodie also. "What matters is our plan!"

"Our plan to run this town!" One of them exclaimed, making the others cheer along.

"Screw Treasure Cove! Screw Smiley Town!" They chanted. Even the bikers stopped to chant along. "Long live Revolution!"

"I heard you're looking for a phone." The figure smirked. "I believe we have one." The couple sighed in relief. "Yes, we do! Unfortunately, it appears…" He stopped when the couple decided to run after the word 'Unfortunately' slipped out of his mouth. "They always run…AFTER THEM!"

"Mark! RUN!" Linda screamed as the bikers were gaining up on them. However, when they crossed a white line, many spit balls were fired at the bikers, who turned around and fled. "What the?" Their saviors ended up being Butters and Craig, who was in a spacesuit.

When the bikers returned, they wiped the spitballs off of them. "I'm sorry Jake, but they ran away."

Jake only smirked again. "They'll be back. They always come back. So, here's the plan!" He announced to his soldiers. "We kidnap them once they cross the white line again! Pretty simple, right?"

"Whatever floats your boat, dude." Kenny rolled his eyes at him. He was wearing his trademark Parka, but his face was painted black and white to match his team.

"Who's gonna run this town?!" Jake yelled to his soldiers, raising his fist in the air.

"We gonna run this town!" They cheered back.

* * *

Believe it or not, they finally caught them. Their plan was flawless!

Once the bag was removed from his face, Mark squinted his eyes before looking around, only to spot the same group of kids from the beginning. "Oh, Dammit! What do you want now?!"

"Can we cut his balls off now?" Jon asked, her voice was masked by the mask covering her face.

"Or cut his tongue out and shove it up his ass?" Another kid asked. Each threat that left each kids' mouths, the more fear Mark would feel towards them.

"Mark? I'm so scared!" Linda cried out.

"Relax. You're safe." Jake sighed as he kneeled in front of them, the mask still covering his face. "We're not going to harm you, if you don't annoy us that is."

"We've been through this already!" Mark rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Jake simply ignored him. "We've heard that you're now working for Stan and Kyle, who're leading Smiley Town?"

"We didn't agree to anything!" Mark shouted.

"But between us, they're fags." Jake says, staring right at Mark and Linda. "Do you think we're the bad ones?" Mark and Linda only shrugged in response. "Well we're not. The bad ones are the kids running Treasure Cove and Smiley Town."

Jon decided to add a few things of her own. "The fat mayor and the two 'Super Best Friends' are the true enemies."

"They wanted to kill ME!" Kenny said angrily.

"Kenny, calm down." Jake calmed his friend down before returning to the topic at hand. "They wanted Kenny dead, for no reason. As for my little brother…" He reached his hand out behind him as small fingers wrapped around his gloves and pulled Joey out, black markings all over his face. "They wanted him dead as well. They select a handful of kindergarteners, mayor fatass wants my little bro to suffer like the rest of them! I left that group to find freedom. That's where I meant everyone else. We're family, all of us."

"And Family sticks together." Kenny added as he rubbed his friend's back.

"Have you heard of the Carousel?" Jake asked, earning a nod from the couple. "Well, apparently, my little brother was chosen to be killed and sacrificed to The Provider. Of course, I didn't let that happen. I wouldn't sleep well at night, knowing my little brother was dead for a damn statue."

"We can help you get that phone." Jon said, changing the subject. "If you help us retrieve the book Fatass has."

"Will you help us? We're counting on you. Both of you." Jake's voice was smooth as he said this. Everyone from his side looked at them with a smile on their face.

Mark looked at Linda before sighing. "Yes. We'll help you."

Joey let go of his brother's hand before walking up to the couple. "Thank you." He hugged the man's leg, who only patted his head.

"Come on, Linda. We have ourselves a book to catch."

* * *

A half an hour later, the man returned with the book in his hand before handing it over to Jake, who examined it before smiling. "Thank you for everything…"

"Mark." The man replied.

"…Mark." He then turned towards his troops and help out the book in victory. "The book is ours!" Everyone cheered. "Now' let's get to that cellphone."

As they exited the building, Mark couldn't believe he forgot the one thing he most cared about.

His wife.

"Linda?!" Mark called out, stepping aside from the crowd. "Linda, where are you?!"

"OUTLANDERS!" A familiar voice shouted from below the hill. Jake halted his group before he glanced down at the hill, spotting Cartman, Butters, Craig, and several other kids marching down the street with Linda tied up against a pole. "OUTLANDER! We have your woman!"

"Linda!" Mark yelled before being hushed up by Kenny.

"What the fuck do you want, Cartman?" Came Stan's voice as his group approached the other group. His group consisted of Kyle, Kalel, Jensen, and Gracie, who was originally supposed to be in Jake's group, but Stan and Kyle refused her to leave.

"Hand me the book, assholes!" He shouted, holding his hand out.

"We don't have it!" Kyle called out.

"Even if we did, we wouldn't have given it to you!" Kalel shouted.

Jake raised an eyebrow before looking at Kenny and nodding at him. The poor boy rose his fingers near his mouth before whistling, catching the two groups attention below. "Hey fat boy and fags!" Jake yelled out in victory as he rose the book in the air. "Looking for this?!"

"How the fuck did they get it?!" Stan screamed in disbelief and shock.

"Mark! Help!" Linda cried out.

"Linda!" Mark cried back.

"The statue isn't too far ahead!" Jake called out to Mark, who was still looking at his wife. He pointed down the end of the road at a statue of the Provider, which actually was John Elway. "Mark! Get your wife!" He then grabbed the nearest empty bike before huffing. "I'll go to The Provider." With a battle cry, he and his whole squad charged at the two groups, who only stood there in shock. Jake peddled through many enemies before he spotted Gracie a few feet away from him.

"Hang on!" He called out to her as he grabbed her hand and she landed on the end of the bike seat in safety. "Hey."

"Whoa. That was cool." She mumbled, still fazed at the sudden moment.

"Stop! Asshole!" They looked to their right to see Stan chasing them while riding a scooter. "That book was supposed to be ours!"

"So you could kill Kenny and Joey?!" Jake shouted. "I don't think so, Stan." His attention then turned to Gracie. "Can you ride a bike?"

"Yeah, why?" She asked before Jake leapt from the seat and managed to tackle Stan into the dirt with him along. She gasped before getting the bike back into a straight pattern. "Jake!" Both boys tumbled onto the dirt before landing on their knees, halting to a stop.

"Don't let me put you down, Jake." Stan warned. "We've been friends since the very beginning. It doesn't have to be this way, for you I mean."

This only made Jake shake his head. "You wanted to kill Kenny and Joey."

"That wasn't me! That was Cartman!" Stan rejected. "We were trying to help you!"

"Well, it looks like you're the one needing help now." Without a second thought and a battle cry, Jake tackled Stan, making the two roll around in the dirt.

Kenny bolted pass the fight before picking up the book from the ground. "I've got it!" Everyone who caught up to him gasped from Cartman and Kyle's side. "HA! HA! HA! Take that assholes! I'm not dying this time!" Then a bolt of lightning struck Kenny in his head, exploding it and sending brain parts all over the ground followed by a burnt body collapsing.

"Oh my god! They-AGHH-killed-AHH-Kenny!" Stan exclaimed as Jake started to choke him with his bare hands.

"You bastards!" Kyle shouted.

Mark walked up towards the children. "Alright, that's enough!" He yelled, stopping anymore fighting that unfolded. Even Jake and Stan had to stop to see what's going on. "You children are getting yourselves hurt!"

"Careful, Mark. They might make you disappear with the M word." Linda warned her husband once she was ungagged.

Cartman nodded. "Yeah, we'll call the police and tell them you molested us too!"

Mark looked shocked for a moment, then turned to disbelief. "Is that what happened to all the parents here?! You told the police they molested you?!"

Everyone glanced at one another. "Parents?" Jake muttered out, his hands still wrapped around the throat of his now purple friend.

"The birth-givers!" Mark cried out before stepping closer to the mob. "Your birth-givers. Don't you remember? They are your providers! Not some statue! And they're not up in some fantastical faraway land now. They're in prison. Probably crying themselves to sleep, cold and lonely and…I'm sure missing you all very much. Your birth-givers took care of you. That's what their laws and rules were for, because they love you and they don't want you living like…this!" He then pointed to the John Elway statue. "He won't take care of you. Your providers….your parents…will."

Everyone fell silent before Kyle muttered out, "Parents. Mom. Dad."

"He's right you guys!" Jensen said. "Things were a lot better with our parents around."

"Huh. What'd you know, Stan? Things sure was a lot better with parents." Jake chuckled before glancing at his now non-breathing friend. "Oh shit!" He jumped off of him, giving Stan the perfect time to gulp for air.

"Maybe he's right." Gracie added. "Their rules did have a point. Things have gotten a lot worse since the last ten days."

Mark was dumbfounded at this. "Ten days? It's been ten days since they left?"

"Yeah, why?" Jon asked shrugging.

Jake approached the shocked man before holding up his cellphone. "Here's our cellphone, dude. Can you call the police for us?" The man nodded before grabbing the phone from him.

"Hey. Looks like you're not so bad with kids after all." Linda smiled at her husband, who smiled back.

"Yeah. I guess you're right." Mark said. "Maybe we should have some."

Linda scoffed. "Yeah, right. After all this, I'm getting my tubes tied tomorrow." She walks off, leaving a surprised Mark behind.

* * *

It's all over. Our parents are back. Everything's back to normal. Mark got the job, working as a manager at Denny's in Breckenridge, and Linda got her tubes tied. So basically, it was all a happy ending after all.

"Oh, boys!" Dad gave us a hug before setting us back down. "We're so sorry for all the abuse we've been giving you."

"But you didn't-"

"Daryl, you were arrested for drunk driving, remember?" Mom says, scowling at my Dad.

"I was locked up for ten days just for that?" He questioned, scratching his head.

Me and Joey looked in confusion. "That was the fifth time this week!" Mom shouted angrily.

As my parents continued their conversation, or argument, Stan and the others walked up to me. "Hey."

"What're you kids gonna do now?" Mark asked, his hands placed on his hips in a playful manner.

"I dunno." I answered.

"Wanna build snow igloo?" Stan asked us.

"Sweet!" Gracie commented.

"Sure." I answered.

"Snow igloos kick ass!" Cartman exclaimed as we walked away, not having the chance to see the reaction of Mark or Linda.

* * *

**Author: DONE! Chapter 7 is finally done! So now, USE POLL TO DECIDED WHAT EPISODE I SHOULD DO NEXT! Also, I have a summer job so my updating schedule will be tight the next month.**


	8. Imaginationland Trilogy: Part 1

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 8: Imaginationland Trilogy: Part I**

**Author: Enjoy this chapter and please stick around until end of chapter for special announcement.**

* * *

I really don't know how I was dragged into this. Somehow, Cartman convinced us to search in the woods for a fucking Leprechaun. He bet Kyle that if Leprechauns were real, he would have to suck his balls. To be honest with you all, I think they're real. I tried to tell Kyle this, but it didn't go well, saying how I was on Cartman's side so he can suck his balls.

"Are we seriously doing this?" Jon asked in disbelief after checking a nearby shrub.

Cartman didn't look at her, but still nodded. "Yes Jon, yes we are."

"How'd we get involved in this?" Jensen asked to Kalel, who shrugged.

"This is fucking retarded." Kyle and I exclaimed, sitting on a log in frustration. Seriously, we're searching the whole goddamn woods just to look for a leprechaun who's only a foot long, not even! Stan and Gracie searched the bushes behind us, as well as everyone else who came along. Tweek, Craig, Clyde, Token, Jimmy, and Butters came along to see for themselves. I mean, yes I think they're real, but it's not even March and I doubt it's in this exact woods!

"Cartman, just pay Kyle the ten bucks so we can leave." I demanded, making Kyle nod in agreement.

"You're not even looking, Blondie! Get off your lazy ass and fucking look!" Cartman exploded, earning surprised looks from me and Kyle. Damn, this was a first. Cartman never snapped at me like that…This bet must be really important to him. He DOES want Kyle to suck his balls! Cartman then took out his walkie talkie, "Faggot, report! Find anything?"

I sighed in defeat. "We'll be here all day if this goes on."

"Well I'm not!" Kyle says before turning to face me. "You know damn well too that leprechauns aren't real, Jake!" He then let out a few breathes, calming himself down. "You're my second best friend, dude. You have to be on my side for this."

"I am on your side, dude!" I cried out. "I just think leprechauns are real. And before you say anything else, no, I don't want you to suck Cartman's balls, okay?"

Kyle stared at the ground, then back at me, and hopped off the log with annoyance masking his face. "Everyone! Stop!" He ordered, making everyone stop and look at him. "Cartman's just trying to fool everyone so he can't get out of a deal he made!"

Then came Butters' cry of, "I see him! I've got it!"

"No. fucking. Way." Gracie gasped in shock as a tiny, little person scurried past us and headed towards the bushes.

"Holy shit." I said.

"Get that fucking leprechaun!" Cartman yelled as we bolted after the leprechaun, who let out short, small breathes. It ran under broken logs, under leaves before it was stuck on a trap we set. It grunted as it tried to break free until we finally caught up to it.

"Cool. Wow. No way." Everyone cooed.

Cartman shoved his way past everyone before he stared right into the leprechaun, who sweat nervously. "Alright, Butthole, where's the gold?"

The leprechaun gulped, "You lads don't know what you're doing!" He stated, his voice sounding incredibly Irish. "I need to deliver an important message! There's going to be an attack!" I couldn't decide if we should let him go, or capture him until he confessed about the gold. Sure, leprechaun's can be tricky, but what if this was real?

What if there really was going to be an attack?

Cartman, being the most evil one in the group, held out a hunter's knife and inched his way closer to the captured being. "Tell me where the gold is or you die! Slow!" All of a sudden, the leprechaun formed a little rainbow above his head before reappearing on top of a tree branch.

"I was sent to warn of a terrorist attack!" He says angrily and annoyed. "But you busters made me late! Now the terrorists will prevail! The end is near!"

"Wait!" I called out before he disappeared again. "Damn it! You see what you did, Cartman?!" The fat boy didn't reply, instead he walked towards Kyle smirking.

"Kyle." He coughed before clearing his throat. "Suck my balls."

"You had to make that deal, didn't you?" Kalel asked, rubbing Kyle's back, who was now in a state of shock.

* * *

The next day, we were building a fort, me, Stan, Jimmy, Gracie, Kalel, Jensen, Jon, Kenny, and Butters. We were also making snowballs, but stopped and fell silent when Kyle walked up to us, his hands in his pockets, looking sad.

"H-Hey, Kyle." Jimmy greeted, breaking the silence. "So, h-how'd it g-go?"

Kyle shifted uncomfortably. "How was what?"

"Sucking his balls, dude." Jon replied, anxious to know what happened. To be honest, I was too. Next to me and Stan's bet, this was another bet I couldn't miss out on. Despite me losing and wanting to see Stan dress like a girl, I actually had fun with that.

"I didn't suck his balls and never will!" He yells out angrily.

"Why'd you even agree to that?" Gracie asked, approaching the Jewish boy.

Kyle sighed. "Because I never knew there would be a leprechaun." His voice then returned to anger. "But why would a leprechaun warn us of a terrorist attack?! There has to be an explanation for this!"

"Excuse me!" A fairly fat guy called out to us, appearing next to Kyle. He wore a purple top hat, a red coat, a purple vest underneath the red coat, a red bowtie, and poke dotted pants with white gloves. HA! What a freak! "Have you boys and girls seen a leprechaun anywhere?"

We all glanced at one another before I spoke up. "What do you know about the leprechaun?" I asked, a little creeped out about how he dressed and walked up to us like that. There's two things he could be: A pedophile or a drug dealer.

"Yes! So you have seen him!" He cheered. "That's won-difference!"

"What the fuck?" Jon whispered to me.

"I want you to tell me everything he said!" He was nearly about to explode in wonder on hearing the news. "Where was he? What was he doing?!"

"I've had enough of this!" Kyle shouted before pointing at the man. "Leprechauns aren't real! They're imaginary!"

The man twirled around for a bit before standing behind Kyle. "Well of course they are! But that doesn't mean they're real. Have you all used your imagination?" We all were incredibly confused as he said this, me being the most. "You!" He pointed at me. "How would you like to be a cowboy? Or a spaceman?"

"What about Batman?" I chuckled out, making everyone laugh.

Surprisingly, the man nodded. "Batman too! All it takes, is a little imagination!"

"Who the hell are you?" Stan says, being creeped out like me.

"Still not convinced, eh? Tell you what, boys and girls, let's say we take a ride on our Imagination Flying Machine?" He pointed to the sky, and a giant blimp appeared.

"Are we high?" Jensen asked out loud.

"Hop on kids! I have something to show you!" He motioned us to get on, but we hesitated for the moment.

"Are you gonna rape us?" Came Butters voice.

The man turned to face us with a shocked look on his face. "Wha-? N-No." I nodded and made my way towards the blimp and climbed the ladder, followed by everyone else. When we reached the top, we could see the whole town from up here! The balloon then started to fly, or float, away.

Oh god, I forgot, I'm not a fan of heights…

I leaned over the edge of the ship, ready to regurgitate my breakfast. "Jake?" I heard Gracie before she started to rub my back. "Jake, what's wrong?"

"He's afraid of heights." Kyle pointed.

Stan looked at him in disbelief. "He is?"

"Yeah, since we were three, dude." Kyle replied in a 'matter of fact' tone. "You didn't know that?" He then started to snicker. "Dude, I thought he was your best friend."

Stan turned red from embarrassment or a blush before the man's jolly voice started to ring through my ears again. "Some people fear that imagination isn't real. But I tell them that they're wrong! 'Cause when I want to play pretend, I just sing the Imagination song." He then cleared his throat. Oh fuck me. "_Imagination! Imaginaaa-tion. Imag-in-aaaaa-tion!_" Fuck off! I tuned out his singing and focused back on the task at hand: puking out my intestines.

* * *

About 5 minutes later of his dumbass singing, our environment changed. I faced back at the group, wiping any remains of my breakfast off my lips, and looked in awe at what they saw. There were floating castles, walking candy, all superheroes and everything! Guys I'm having a nerd attack right now!

Once the ship landed, he led us to the citizens of this imaginary place, and they all huddled around us. "People of Imaginationland! We have distinguish guests from the outside world!" We hopped off the ship and looked in amazement.

They all greeted us. "Dude, holy shit." Jensen managed to croak out.

"Welcome to Imaginationland!" A talking lollipop greeted us, wearing a crown and cape. "I am the Lollipop King!" Right behind him stood Jack Skellington, Astro-Boy, and Willy Wonka.

"Now, good news everyone! These kids DID see the leprechaun!" The man cheered, making the rest of the crowd cheer as well.

"What did the leprechaun tell you? Anything good?" A talking hammer asked us billions of questions.

We were too stunned at the moment to speak. "He told us…" Gracie started off. "H-He told us…" She was too stunned to say anything right now at the scene in front of her. All of her childhood characters were here!

"AL-QAEDA!" A terrorist screamed, running towards the imagination people and unzipped his coat, revealing a bomb.

"OH, FUCK!" The creepy guy and I screamed before I managed to duck my head in cover when the explosion occurred. I only felt myself falling to the ground, landing hard on my head and my ears rung. All I could see was blood and fire, I also had a cut on my forehead. It wasn't that bad, but it still hurt. I coughed as the smell of burning….stuffing and flesh, I guess, filled the air. My scarf was burnt to a crisp and my hat was torn, revealing my blonde hair from the holes.

"Gracie?!" I called out, still on the ground and my ears still ringing. "Stan?! Kyle?! Anybody?!" I managed to stand up, but only ended up limping my way towards Stan, who put his hat on after the destruction that occurred around him. "Stan!" I grabbed his shoulders, catching his attention. "Stan, we need to go!"

He only stared at me. The explosion must've damaged his ears for a minute, so he can't hear me for now. "Wha-?" Scratch that.

"Guys!" Gracie ran up to us, a few drops of blood on her face. Thank god it wasn't hers.

"We have to go!" Kyle screamed with Jimmy and the others closely behind. Damn, that cut hurts like a bitch! I can't even hear or think straight with this thing. "Jake! JAKE! Snap out of it!" He slapped me across the face. "Sorry, but we have to go! We're gonna die!" He lifted my arm around his shoulders. "Someone help me!" Kenny came to his aid and lifted me up.

Terrorists left and right fired all around us, killing man of the imagination characters. "Shit! Damn!" Jensen cursed, holding Kalel close to him.

"We have to get the fuck out of here!" Jon yelled over the gun fire.

A dragon then hovered down near us, his back facing us. "Hop on my back, kids!" He commanded, and we obliged. Once we were on, Kenny still aided me before I heard a bullet shoot past me and hearing Kenny let out a pain of agony, followed by me and him hitting the floor as the dragon started to fly away.

"Fellers! Wait!" Butters cried out, reaching for the dragon before the terrorists managed to grab him.

"Butters!" Stan shouted. It was until then they noticed we were gone too. "Oh shit! KENNY! JAKE!"

"O-Oh s-shit!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"NO!" Gracie screamed as the dragon flew higher and higher before their voices died down. I heard the voices of the terrorists grow closer and closer, meaning they were catching up to us. Kenny tried his best to stand, but with the bullet in his arm and my weight he couldn't. He collapsed back on the ground, panting for air.

Who knew it'll all end here. Surrounded by Imaginary people in an imagination land. What a way to go out, huh?

"Oh no you don't!" A voice said before several grunts were heard, followed by bodies collapsing to the ground. "Whew! What a close one! Oh right, the kids!" Someone lifted us from the ground, and we took off into the air. It was weird, because at one point, we were in the air, and then we weren't. It felt like someone was swinging on something.

Kenny shook me awake and I gazed up at our hero, who actually ended up being my favorite hero since I was five. Red and blue jumpsuit with a mask.

"Sp-Spider-Man?"

* * *

**Author: Not much of an ending but what the heck! **

**Are you ready for my next project? That's right! THE STICK OF TRUTH Is coming very soon! I'm planning on working on Stick Of Truth AFTER Black Friday, which, I promise, I'll do after the Imaginationland trilogy. **

**MULTIPLE NEW OCs NEEDED FOR STICK OF TRUTH!**

**Just tell me in review box or PM me if you would like to see OC in story.**

**Name:**

**Age:**

**Gender:**

**Loyalty (What side? Elves or Humans?): **

**Class (Thief, Fighter, Mage, Assassin, ETC.):**

**Armor:**

**Personality:**

**If you already have OC in this story, just tell me what side they're on and what class they are.**

**Again, thank you everyone for having the time to read this and I'll see you sometime this week! BYE!**


	9. Imaginationland Trilogy: Part II

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 9: Imaginationland Part II**

* * *

**INTRO:**

_**I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time!**_

**Kyle and Stan: **_**Friendly faces everywhere! Humble folks without temptation!**_

_**I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind**_

**Cartman: **_**Amble parking day or not, people spouting-**_

**(Insert Jake from background): **_**Howdy Neighbor! **_

_**I'm heading down to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind**_

**Kenny: (**_**muffled**_**)**

_**So come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine.**_

* * *

"…What'd you want me to do, Bruce? Just leave them there when the terrorists attack?!" The voice from earlier shouted. I couldn't tell where we were, my eyes were just adjusting to the lights that hung above the ceiling. My head still hurt, but being the tough guy I am….okay, maybe not but, I sat up.

"Who knows where these kids came from?" A deep voice shot back. Oh, that voice sounded familiar for sure.

Do I know anybody with REALLY deep voices? Chef? Yeah, I think just Chef.

"Oh, you're awake." I heard Kenny sigh in relief next to me. He looked fine to me, but there was one thing that seemed off about him….

There were a few webs wrapped around his arm where he was shot.

Wait! Webs? Voice? Hero?

My god…. "Holy shit, you're Spider-Man!" I exclaimed, pointing at my favorite hero, who seemed surprised that I was awake.

And then there was… "Batman?!" I yelled in disbelief at my 2nd favorite hero. Guys, I don't know what to say to this. Two of my favorite heroes in one place?! It's like a dream come true! "You guys are my favorite superheroes!"

Spider-Man faced Batman and pointed at me. "See? We're his favorite. Believe them now?"

Batman looked at me and Kenny, then Spider-Man, before huffing. "You're a pain, you know that Peter?" I found this really weird that Batman knows Spider-Man's real name since they were both from different comic companies. Said bat then turned his attention towards us. "Why're you here?"

Me and Kenny jumped at his voice and found ourselves nervous at the moment. "W-We…um…" I stuttered as Batman looked straight into my eyes. It's like he's tearing my soul to shreds from the inside!

"That creepy guy with the top hat brought us here on a balloon or something!" Kenny quickly replied, his hands held out in front of him. "He introduced us to all of you before shit hit the fan!"

"Someone should put soap in your mouth." Spider-Man pointed.

Surprisingly, Batman nodded. "Oh, you mean the Mayor. Yeah, he is kind of creepy." He then faced Spider-Man again. "We might have to stay here for a bit."

"And let the evil characters kill everyone else?!" Spider-Man sharply exclaimed, his eyebrows knitted together under his mask.

"It's too risky." Batman stated. "We can retreat to the gumdrop forest and to the castle." He then looked at us, "We've gotta bring them too."

"Gumdrop forest?" I asked. I mean, really? I know it's supposed to be cute or something, but come on guys, that sounds really gay.

"That sounds gay." Kenny thought the same thing as me.

"It really is." Spider-Man nodded in agreement.

See? This is why I liked the guy.

"It may be a shot, but we'll be having trouble." Batman warned. "Nightmare creatures are everywhere! From monsters to serial killers, villains to stormtroopers, we're gonna have a hell of a time." Wow, I didn't know the fuckin' EVIL characters would be here too.

"Wait," Kenny stepped in, shaking his head for a moment. "How did they end up here anyway?"

"There was a wall separating us from the evil imagination characters." Spider-Man explained. "From what I've heard, a kid named Butters tried to talk the terrorists out of it, but they didn't listen and broke the wall down." Me and Kenny glanced at one another and shrugged.

Only Butters would do something like that.

We heard a loud explosion nearby, followed by the room shaking. "We have to leave." Batman ordered, "Grab the kids." Without hesitation, Spider-Man showed us the way out of the tunnel, and the first thing we saw were dead imaginary people on the ground.

"Oh, shit." I mumbled, making Kenny nod in agreement.

"Yeah." Spider-Man muttered. "It's a shame, really. None of this would've happened if that leprechaun showed up." Oh, right. I can't help but feel guilty about that. So, it was us that started this whole thing? Or was it Cartman? I'm totally blaming it on Cartman.

"Speaking of Butters, have you seen him?" Kenny asked me.

Oh crap, Butters. "N-no." I replied. "God knows where he is…"

"Nope, God doesn't know." Batman interrupted us. "He just contacted me a few minutes ago, asking where that same boy was." Oh, well, thanks?

Leave it to Batman to ruin things.

* * *

We walked around the forest for a while, following the colorful path leading to the tower. When we reached a certain point on the path, we all stopped at voices from behind the bushes. Spider-Man held us back for safety while Batman simply nodded at the other hero.

"Oh Christ, its Strawberry Shortcake!" Spider-Man whispered as we looked at the scene in front of us. Many of the evil Imagination characters were all huddled around the poor Strawberry Shortcake, who was tied to a tree stump.

Poor little thing was being tortured to death.

I've spotted many characters I was familiar with; Freddy Kruger, Jason, the Joker, Darth Maul, Medusa, a Cyclopes, a Minotaur, and even fucking Wario!

"P-Please, let me go." She begged, but only to be punched by the Headless Horseman and kicked by Frankenstein. She was then hit with a butt of a gun by a Stormtrooper.

We all, yes even Batman, looked in shock when Jason gouged out her eye with his machete. "Jesus Christ!" Came Kenny's muffled scream. I quickly hushed him up before the Minotaur walked up to Strawberry Shortcake.

"Now kill her." He commanded, everyone cheering.

Before anyone could react, a bunch of Woodland critters stopped them. There was a bear, a rabbit, a squirrel, a little fox, a raccoon, a skunk, a deer, two birds, a mouse, and a beaver. "Now hold on, y'all." The squirrel says in a southern accent. "You can't just kill her yet. That's not evil enough!"

Why do those animals sound so familiar?

"What do you mean? We cut out her eyeball!" Freddy exclaimed.

Jason nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's super hardcore." His voice was… quite high for a guy like him.

"Now come on, y'all. We can do better than that." The squirrel encouraged everyone.

"Hey, I know!" The beaver piped up, catching his fellow critters' attention. "Let's all pee in her empty eye socket!"

What.

"Let's make her eat her own eyeball, and THEN pee in her eye socket!" The deer suggested. All the evil characters looked in awe at all the torture suggestions that came up.

The.

"What the fuck's wrong with them?" Spider-Man asked, not caring if he cussed if front of his fans.

I simply looked up at him, then back at the Woodland Critters. "Let's get someone with aids to do it, so she dies nice and slow!" The bear said, making all the Critters jump in joy.

Fuck?

The Minotaur walked up to them. "Nobody here has aids!" He shouted.

"AWWWWW!" All the critters groaned.

"Now don't worry, y'all. I bet we can find some aids in the forest." The squirrel encouraged again. All the critters cheered before disappearing into the forest, opposite of us. Thank god.

"Bail! Bail!" Batman commanded. We all quickly ran from the scene, all the evil characters' voices dying down.

* * *

My feet hurt! We've been walking for about an hour now! Kenny was nearly on the brink of collapsing, Spider-Man was swinging from his webs, and Batman simply ignored our pleas to stop.

"I'm not gonna make it…" Kenny panted. I rubbed his back, encouraging him to keep moving, which he did.

"Get over it." Batman snapped.

I narrowed my eyes at him. I know this is his personality, but he's being a giant dick right now. "Why're you being a dick?"

He stopped and faced me, giving me a scowl that burns my soul. Spider-Man shook his head at me. "Why am I being a dick?" He sharply asked. "You try protecting two children who keep complaining about walking! You try dealing with a hero who constantly makes jokes!" Spider-Man pouted at him. "You try saving a whole city from the brink of destruction while a joker laughs in your face, a man with two faces playing a stupid game, a fat guy who LOVES penguins, and a giant monster made out of art material!"

Me and Kenny remained silent at his outburst. I know the guy has anger issues, but damn.

"Whoa, dude." Kenny mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Ignoring the sudden outburst, we're here!" Spider-Man cheered. We all looked up to see a giant castle towering above us with the sun reflecting off it. Wow, despite the whole sky being red from earlier, this area seems a lot more…fun?

"Oh shit, we made it, Jake!" Kenny cheered, jumping up and down. We both ran past Batman and Spider-Man, who tried to tell us to stop, and up the door where a guard stood in golden armor.

He looked down at us with a frown. "And what imaginary characters would you be?" He gruffly asked.

"Well, I'm Jake and this is Kenny." I greeted the man. "We were brought here by this creepy, fat guy on a balloon or something…"

"They're with us." Batman cut me off, facing the guard with a nod.

"Oh, Batman! Quickly, the council needs you!" Batman nodded again before walking inside the castle. When we were about to go in, the guard stopped us and stared at Spider-Man for a moment. "Can you trust these two?"

Spider-Man nodded. "They're my fans and they're just kids! Can't do no harm!" The guard led us inside and we followed Spider-Man throughout the castle. Let me just say we got lost, since it was his first time being here.

When we finally reached Batman, we were surprised at who else was with him. They were gathered on the top of the castle, looking down at the whole Imaginationland area, and was gathered around a huge table.

The lion from Narnia, Wonder Woman, Luke Skywalker, Zeus, Batman, the Tooth Fairy, Morpheus, Popeye, Gandalf the Grey, and fucking Jesus were here! Oh shit, I'm about to die! Most of my favorite characters are here, and they're looking at us.

"Damn it, I thought I told you to stay downstairs!" Batman growled at Spider-Man, who shrugged.

"Fellers!" A familiar voice cheered. Butters came running towards us with his arms out, ready for a hug.

For once, I'm glad to see Butters.

"Butters!" Kenny cheered, accepting the hug from our fellow blonde friend.

When he turned to face me, I didn't accept the hug, but patted his back. "Good to see you too, Butters."

"I-It's good to see you too, Jake." He replied, tapping his fingers.

"I believe you two were brought here by the mayor too?" The lion asked. We nodded at him. "It's good to see fellow comrades of the Key."

"The Key?" Me, Kenny, and Spider-Man asked in confusion.

"Yes, boys." Jesus said, standing up. "Butters is the key to stop the evil characters from ruling us all. He's the only chance of you guys getting home, safely."

Me and Kenny glanced at each other, then at Butters, who smiled shyly. "Butters," Came Kenny's voice before pointing at him. "If you fuck this up, I'll kill you! You hear me?!" I held him back while Butters averted his eyes to the right, then left.

"Now is not the time to be arguing." Luke Skywalker stopped the fight. "Now is the time to make a plan! We have to-"

"We have to make a plan to stop the evil characters from killing us all. Yes, indeed." Morpheus finished for Luke.

"No duh, Morpheus." Spider-Man commented. "Now, how is this kid gonna help us?" He pointed at Butters, who just stood there.

I glance at Kenny, who glanced back at me. So, if Butters fails, we're gonna die here? Our lives are on the hands of someone who constantly keeps getting in trouble thanks to Cartman. "We're so gonna die here." I say to Kenny, who nods in agreement.

Spider-Man scoffed. "Join the club."

**Author: Remember, it still isn't to****o late to submit your OC for my next story for Stick of Truth. Simply PM me or tell me in the review box, any OC is fine! Goodbye!**


	10. Imaginationland Trilogy: Part III

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 10: Imaginationland Trilogy: Part III**

* * *

So, um, the good imagination characters are fighting back with swords and all that medieval shit. Me and Kenny stayed back with the rest of the council, along with Butters, while Spider-Man and the rest of the other characters fought with the evil characters.

"Quickly, young boy, we need your powers!" The lion, yes I forgot his name, commanded, turning to face Butters.

"Powers? I still don't understand!?" Butters asked frantically, nervous at the lion's tone.

Kenny shrugged, "None of this makes fucking sense." I nodded in agreement. I'm still not unsure what the hell is going on! I mean, Butters is….ya know, Butters! Him saving an entire land? That just doesn't fit him! I could see me doing that, or Kenny, but sweet, stupid Butters?

Gandalf the Grey approached him. "You are real." He stated. "You are a creator! That means YOU can imagine things into existence here."

"Can anyone tell us what's going on?" My voice didn't catch their attention, making me growl in frustration.

The lion walked past us, saying, "Santa Claus was killed by the terrorists." Oh, I remember that. He was burnt to a crisp that time. "The first thing we need is to bring him back."

"How?" Butters seemed confused at all this.

So were we….still!

"You just need to use your mind and imagine Santa and nothing else." The Tooth Fairy replied, kneeling down at him.

Batman decided to steal Butters line, "How is he supposed to do that with all this crap happening?!" Again, the guy seemed bipolar or something. At one point he's angry, the next he's calm, and then he's angry again.

"Easy, Batman." Luke Skywalker settled the Bat down before facing Butters. "Think only of one thing. Imagine it. Believe in it."

Butters seemed nervous at first, and I couldn't blame the kid. Then he put two of his index fingers on his head and thought for a moment. When the figure revealed itself, it wasn't Santa Claus, no, it was…

His Dad. Damn it, Butters!

"Butters!" His dad yelled at him, his hands placed on his hips. "You are grounded, mister!" All of a sudden, his dad turned to a fucking monster with horns! "You hear me?!" He quickly thought again, making his 'Dad' disappear.

"Dude! What the hell are you doing?!" Kenny yelled at Butters.

"Just think of Santa!" I demanded.

Isn't it so hard to just think of a fat guy in a red coat and white beard?

"THINK OF SANTA RIGHT NOW!" The lion roared, making Butters jump and let out a whimper.

Damn, he's as worse as Batman!

"You're worse than Batman!" Kenny exclaimed, earning a glare from the Bat himself. I looked at Kenny, who started to look nervous for a second and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"Damn, I heard that crap from here!" Spider-Man came back to the top of the bridge, holding up what it appeared to be a head. Wow, I've never seen him like this before. He noticed the look on my face and continued. "Yeah, little punk tried to bite me after I webbed his feet and hands together."

The council glanced at one another for a second before Zeus blurted out, "Spider-Man that's so….not you."

"C'mon, can't a Spider get any points here?" He asked dumbly.

"I can't believe I put up with you!" Batman face palmed at the Spider-Man.

Then a roar caught all of our attention and we turned around to face Butters, who thought of Santa, but with a disfigured body. He had sharp teeth and one of his legs were tentacles.

"What the fuck is that?!" I screamed as the monster roared again.

"Was that supposed to be Santa?!" Spider-Man shouted over the noise before the creature disappeared.

Kenny simply walked up to Butters and grabbed his shirt. This isn't gonna go well. "Dude! How hard is it to think of fucking Santa?! Think of a fat guy with a red suit and a white beard! Believe in the guy who made you happy every Christmas with gifts and toys and all that other shit!"

You know, I was about to do that too. Between me and you guys, I think Kenny is better off handling situations involving Butters. From what I've heard from Butters, Kenny was the only friend Butters had, and I have to agree with him on that.

Cartman just uses him for his schemes, Stan and Kyle don't care, Craig and the others are the same, and me, well, I honestly don't care either. I'm not trying to hurt his feelings, but guys, this is Butters. Now that I think about it, he's the sweeter version of Kyle.

Both listen to their parents, both rarely get in trouble, no, scratch that, Butters gets in trouble a lot by Cartman.

"What're you thinking about, kid?" Spider-Man's voice made me jump.

"O-oh, uh, nothing." I reply, making him chuckle.

"Must've been something deep. Trust me, I know the look on someone's face when they do." I noticed his lips curved into a smile under his mask as he said this.

I feel so touched that my favorite super hero smiled because of me.

"Guys! Look!" We all turned our attention to Wonder Woman, who pointed at Butters, who finally brought back Santa. I guess Kenny's words of advice made him do it correctly this time.

"Santa! They need you on that battlefield!" The lion commanded, making Santa grab a nearby sword and jump onto the battlefield. The lion then faced Butters calmly. "Now you see what your powers will do to aid us. There's still plenty of more people to think of."

"Let's do this." Spider-Man jumped back onto the battlefield.

* * *

So, it basically went like this; Butters kept using his imagination to create more characters to help us, and me and Kenny didn't do shit. Yeah, we're badass like that. At first we were losing the battle, but with Butters help, we actually might win this thing.

"I'm back!" Spider-Man returned again, but this time with blood all over him. "Whew. Now, before you guys get the wrong thing, this isn't mine! Jesus killed someone and his blood splattered onto mine."

"Lies." Kenny laughed, making me and Spider-Man laugh along.

"Council!" A guard caught our attention as he brought up five kids, handcuffed. They looked to be our age. "We've found FIVE spies! We saw them sneaking around the gumdrop forest!"

Wait…

"You guys!" I ran up to Stan, Gracie, Jon, Jensen, and Kalel, and tackled them with a hug. I spotted Gracie blushing hard, and Stan seemed surprised to see me here for some reason. I mean, he did see me and Kenny fall off the dragon's back, right?

"Oh, there's more of you, huh?" Spider-Man teased, walking up to us as I let go of the hug.

"Damn, it's Spider-Man!" Jensen pointed.

"Look! Luke Skywalker, The Tooth Fairy, Wonder Woman…." Jon listed off.

"…That lion from Narnia, Batman…" Kalel continued along with Jon.

Stan and Gracie walked up to, smiling. "I see you've been busy." Stan said, punching me in the arm.

That's when Gracie's eyes widened. "Wait!" She shouted, all of the council facing her. "I almost forgot, there's a nuke! The government is trying to nuke this entire place!"

Oh, what the fuck, government?! I'm not dying here!

"What?!" Came Batman's yell of disbelief.

"W-Well, why would the government do that?" Butters asked nervously.

"So the terrorists won't ever do it again!" Stan replied, frowning.

The lion walked up to them with his eyes narrowed. "We can settle things down once the chosen one has brought back enough characters!"

Stan and the others looked at me and Kenny, so we shook our head and pointed at Butters. "The chosen one? Him?" Jon pointed as well, an eyebrow raised.

"You've gotta be shitting me." Jensen shook his head.

"Believe it, kiddos!" Spider-Man exclaimed.

* * *

"H-Hey…um…" I stuttered for a moment once I approached Gracie, who watched the battle unfold beneath her. She looked at me before smiling. "S-So, uh, I don't think you should be looking down there. You know, all that death and stuff." Smooth, asshole, real smooth.

She nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Watching all of them die down there just makes me…sad." I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and brought her away from the railing so she wouldn't watch.

"Hey, uh, I was wondering…" I nervously trailed off. She seemed confused for a moment, before Kenny, who damn well knew what was going on, settled between us and smiled. "Damn it, Kenny!" I mumbled, scowling at my friend.

"I'm I in the middle of something here?" He asks, raising his eyebrows up and down.

"Yeah, you are, asshole!" I couldn't help but shout, earning surprised looks from the two, even Stan and Kalel heard me and raised an eyebrow. Spider-Man simply eyed me from the corner of his eyes, and nodded to himself.

"Say, uh, Kenny, come here for a second." He ordered, motioning my poor friend to step over there. He quickly ran over there and the two started to bicker. I can tell already what they were arguing about.

Gracie looked at me again. "Please, continue."

I nodded. "Oh, right. I was wondering if you would like to…"

"We're winning!" Batman stated.

"SHUT UP!" I roared, making everyone give me a look, especially a now mad Dark Knight. Spider-Man simply looked at Batman and did things with his hands that I couldn't understand with. Surprisingly, Batman nodded before shooting me a look.

"Anyway," I continued, "I was wondering if you would like to…go…"

I swear, if someone interrupts me again, I'm gonna shove my foot right up their…

"It's over! We won!" The Lollipop King cheered from the battleground, making the rest of us cheer as well.

"Nevermind." I sighed, walking away from Gracie.

"The day is ours!" Spider-Man cheered.

That's when screaming caught our attention, and we looked up into the sky. What we saw were Kyle, Cartman, and other soldiers and scientists fall from the sky and land right on the battlefield, well, except for Kyle, he landed right next to me.

"Damn, Kyle." I grunted once I picked him up from the ground.

All of a sudden, we heard a whistle like noise shooting down towards us.

"The fuck is that?" Kenny questioned, earning shrugs from all of us.

It was the nuke…AND IT WAS COMING RIGHT TOWARDS US!

Spider-Man let out one scream; "OH, FU-"

* * *

Wow, we're alive! Butters saved us all…again. I still can't get over that, though. Everyone cheered for him before something sticky was on my hand and it dragged me towards Gracie. I landed on my ass, making her giggle.

"Look, we're alive!" She cheered.

I nodded as I rubbed my arm nervously. "I know this might be a bad time, but…" I didn't get the time to notice Spider-Man drawing a heart right behind us with his webs, big enough for everyone to see. "…I was wondering if you would, um, like to go…out sometime?"

Many of the adults cooed, Cartman pretended to gag, Kenny and Kyle nodded their heads, Kalel and Jensen smiled, Jon clapped, and Stan wiped a tear from his eye. Even Batman sniffled. Spider-Man stood behind us, waiting for her reaction with a bowl of popcorn in his hands.

I really hope she doesn't say 'no'. Who knows if she liked me back anyway?

At first, she seemed shocked for a moment, and I thought I was gonna get rejected. "Of course." She smiled before embracing me with a hug. I smiled as I returned the hug, making everyone around us clap, except for Cartman.

"She said 'yes'!" Spider-Man cheered.

"I'm so p-proud of y-you!" Stan cried from behind me. I rolled my eyes before rubbing his shoulder, Gracie tagging along. He soon wrapped his arms around our necks, trying his best to hug us, but that made me gasp for air.

"Good job, kid." Batman nodded.

"You know, I've been through a lot today." Cartman started off once the cheering died down. "What Kyle said about imaginary things being real and Butters using his imagination, it makes me think that, we all have the power to makes things a reality."

Kyle frowned when he finished. Oh, shit. That wasn't good.

Cartman imagined himself in a king's outfit with Kyle standing right next to him. "Oh look, it's me and Kyle!" He cheered. Stan was too busy crying to pay attention while Gracie tried to settle him down, so I was the only one watching the scene. The imaginary Kyle knelt down in front of the imaginary Cartman and…

Oh god…

"You're sucking his balls, dude!" Jon laughed.

The real Kyle turned red from pure anger as the other Kyle continued to suck imaginary Cartman's balls. Jensen and Kalel couldn't help but snicker. The adults and imaginary characters looked in awe, especially Spider-Man and Batman.

"Damn, you're going IN, kid." Spider-Man pointed.

"I knew you were going to suck my balls today, Kyle!" Cartman laughed.

"Dude…" my voice trailed off.

"Oh my god…" The Lollipop King exclaimed.

"Jesus, Kyle." Kalel gasped.

"I'm not sucking your balls!" Kyle shouted. "That's imaginary!"

"N-No Kyle, I believe you said imaginary things ARE real." Cartman pointed.

Oh, Kyle, I'm so sorry. Maybe I should talk to him after this.

"You DID say that." A general added. The adults and imaginary people started to laugh as imaginary Kyle still sucked Cartman's balls…and Stan STILL wouldn't let the fuck go! He stopped crying, but he still would sniffle once in a while.

"Don't be a pussy, dude." I rolled my eyes at him. Gracie groaned as Stan still had his arms around us, not even bothering to let go.

"Alright, that's enough ball sucking," Spider-Man commanded as he faced Cartman, then back to us. "And hugging! It's time for you ten to get back home!"

I looked at him before smiling. "Thanks, for everything, Spider-Man."

"It's been my pleasure." He replied.

I ignored Kyle's argument about the ball sucking thing. Well, today was an odd day as usual. I went to an Imaginationland, met some of my favorite heroes, and finally asked Gracie out. Yeah, this was a pretty good day, except for the part about me almost dying.

Was this the best day ever? I guess so if you minus me almost dying and this whole battle stuff going on.

Now, let's see what tomorrow brings us to.


	11. The Ring

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 11: The Ring**

* * *

(**3****rd**** Person**)

"Would you look at that?" Cartman asked to his fellow classmates at the lunch table, all eyes focusing on the scene in front of them. "It's just amazing, isn't it?"

Stan nodded in agreement. "I still can't believe it, even though it's right there in front of me. It took me a whole month to make him do it."

Kyle leaned over his tray of food to get a closer look. "Yeah, it's just so, astounding." He gasped out. They all continued to stare in amazement at the most beautiful scene they've ever witnessed. It was unfolding right in front of them, the lunch table across of them.

"Believe it, you guys." Jon said, nodding. "The unexpected has happened."

Jake and Gracie ate lunch together, just the two of them. They smiled as they glanced at one another before continuing their lunch meal. "Jake finally had the guts to ask Gracie out." Kalel sighed as she smiled. "I'm so proud of them."

"I was about to approach her tomorrow." Craig shrugged, earning a quick scowl from Stan and Kalel.

"How long do you think they'll last?" Kyle asked, earning confused looks from his friends. "What? It's just a question and I'm interested."

"You're just saying that because you never dated anyone, Kahl!" Cartman smirked.

Kyle looked over his shoulder at the girls table, to see a familiar blonde haired girl making eye contact with him and blushing fiercely. The Jewish boy quickly looked away, blushing as well. "S-Shut up, Cartman!" Said boy only laughed as he noticed his pink cheeks.

"H-how did y-you do it, S-Stan?" Stan was surprised by Jimmy's question. Jake was the one who asked Gracie out! So how's he to be the one that planned the whole thing? Even though he didn't.

Stan found himself thinking for a moment before shaking his head. "W-What?"

"Yeah, didn't you have that bet with Jake?" Clyde pointed out. "You know, where you bet he would have to ask her out?"

"And you two wouldn't shut up about it for a week." Token added, rolling his eyes.

"Look, guys, I had nothing to do with this, alright?" Stan stated. "He's my friend, and I'm always by his side. Who knows? Maybe the bet didn't even help him to ask her out!"

"He's got a point." Jensen said.

* * *

(**Jake's P.O.V.**)

After school, I've decided to wonder around town for a bit, just myself. I've been hanging with Gracie every day ever since the Imaginationland tragedy. After I asked her out, Stan kept bugging me about how I should've done it earlier and just get the stupid bet over with.

I'm so glad that was over, or we would've had another big fight ahead of us.

Oh, speaking of dating, there's been rumors going around that Kyle liked some girl named Charlee, and I'm quite proud of him. Usually, he wasn't in the dating mood, but ever since he saw her, his feelings started to change. They spoke after class, and even sometimes outside! I give them…about a few days before he asks her out.

Oh, is that Kenny? What the hell is he doing buying tickets?

Curiously, I walked inside the store to see my now happy as ever friend being handed concert tickets. "Kenny, what're you doing?" I didn't even startle him. My poor friend simply turned around to face me and held up two Jonas Bros. tickets for this upcoming Saturday. "How the hell did you afford these?!"

"I have my ways." He replied before grabbing my arm and moved me to the front of the booth. "Two more tickets to the Jonas Brothers, please!"

"Kenny! What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled at him as he snatched my allowance money from my pockets and handed them to the ticket guy. I tried to take it back, but Kenny, surprisingly, held me back long enough so I could get the tickets. "You son of a bitch!"

"Wait!" He held his hands out before I could tear him a new one. "Before you kill me, when was the last time you and Gracie were on a date?" That came to a surprise to me. Why would Kenny want to know this? Now that I remember, the last time I took Gracie somewhere was to Whistlin' Willy's, and our parents came along too!

So, that doesn't count as a 'date'.

"I don't know. Maybe, like, last week." I replied, my eyes still narrowed at Kenny.

"What if I were to tell you that when you go to this concert, she'll love you more than ever!" He had on that perverted look on his face as he said this. That look always meant he was up to something disgusting. "Let's just say, a free Blow pop."

I gave him a confused look before I finally found out what he meant and my face scrunched up in disgust. "AW! KENNY!" I practically screamed at him. "THE FUCK'S WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?!"

"Dude! A FREE BJ! You can't pass that up!"

"We're TEN!"

"That ain't stopping me!"

"Your girlfriend might be a notorious whore, Kenny! But Gracie sure as hell isn't!" I shouted before snatching the two tickets in his left hand. He glared at me and before I could return them, Gracie entered through the sliding doors, making me stop.

"Hey guys." She greeted us. I looked at her nervously, making her raise an eyebrow. "Jake, what's wrong?"

I could see Kenny smirking at me. "O-oh, Gracie. Jake here was just buying you tickets to a special concert." He smirked, wrapping his arm around my girlfriend.

I didn't have time to scowl at him, so I laughed nervously. There's no backing down now! "Y-You see, I was just actually…"

"Wow, I've never been to a concert before." She smiled. "I would like to go to one!"

I tried to think of something fast, but nothing came out. I huffed in frustration at Kenny before giving her a cheesy grin. "Well today, I just got us Jonas Brothers' tickets!"

I waited to see her reaction, but was surprised at what I got. "The Jonas Brothers?" She asked in confusion.

Oh thank God! I sighed in relief before Kenny decided to make this a lot harder on me. "It's a double date; Me and Tammy and you and Jake. How does that sound?"

Right when I was about to rip his head off, Gracie shrugged in response. "That sounds nice. Right, Jake?"

"Y-Yeah." I managed to find my voice at the sheer shock at her response. As they walked through the exit door, Kenny gave me a look that read 'Get owned, Bitch!' I soon followed and tuned out the rest of my friend's voices as they tried to pry us out of going to this concert.

Why do I always fight with my friends? Must be the New York in me.

* * *

Fuck. You. Kenny. The night came and we all arrived at the concert. Once we took our seats, the whole arena seats were filled with fucking young girls that let out ear piercing shrieks, begging for the Jonas Brothers to come out and sing.

"You're the best, Kenny!" Tammy cheered before planting a kiss on her boyfriend's cheek.

I glanced at Gracie, who sat next to me, and she wasn't as excited as the rest of the girls here. In fact, I think she's bored as hell! The lights then darkened, the shrieks of the fan girls becoming louder and my ears nearly bled. Camera flashes blinded us for a bit before the Jonas Brothers appeared on stage, doing a gay stance as they did.

Then they began to sing, and the girls began having heartattacks as their voices filled their heads. Tammy let out a scream, startling the three of us. I swear to you guys, all the girls started….TOUCHING themselves. I closed my eyes and tried to tune out their screams, but they were too loud.

Kenny seemed as bored as us, and that's what he fucking deserves! I looked at Gracie, and she seemed so uncomfortable that she tried to not look at the Bros. or even any of the girls around her. Some of them said something about that 'tingly feeling', and I…have a possibility of knowing what it was.

"Hey." I say to Gracie, catching her attention. "I'm sorry for bringing you here. Just so you know, this was Kenny's idea."

I'm glad she was on my side for this. "Figures." She shrugged. I smiled before focusing back on the stage, and a girl was trying to climb up one of their legs, I think it was Joe's, and two security guards had to push her off of stage. Then a baby crawled over the seat between me and Kenny and managed to crawl over the other seats as well.

Oh, I never mentioned this before, but me and Kenny were the only boys here. So, yeah, that's great. I gave Kenny a glare the rest of the concert, and he seemed to notice it. He tried his best to apologize for bringing me here, but then countered it with using the excuse about the free BJ that came with it.

* * *

"We love you, Denver!" Finally, thank fucking Christ it was over! Those stupid Jonas Bros. skipped back backstage, and all the screaming settled down. All of the girls exited their seats, while the others laid on the ground from pure exhaustion from screaming so much.

"I'm gonna kill you." I growled at Kenny before grabbing Gracie's hand and walked her to the exit.

We were then stopped by a voice that said, "Hey! You! Little girl in the blue hat!" Gracie turned around to find a usher staring at us. Did we do something bad? "You too! The girl with the red shirt! The band will like you girls to come backstage."

I glance at Gracie who shrugged before dragging me near the usher. Tammy cheered as she did the same to Kenny, who begged her to leave and go to T.G.I. Friday's for that BJ he always wanted. Like before, he deserved that!

The man led us to their dressing room and let the girls go inside, except for me and Kenny. "Oh, sorry, not you two."

Me and Kenny tried our best to move past the guy, but his guards held us back before shutting the door in our faces. "God dammit, Kenny! See what you did!?" I exploded into fury, fearing the worst of what those Jonas Fags were doing to my girlfriend.

"Hey! I'm as worried as you are!" He exclaimed. "I need that BJ right now!" He walked past the guards and led me to a nearby window to see what was going on in the dressing room.

What we saw was only the Jonas Bros. talking to our girlfriends as they held up their ring fingers, revealing silver rings on them. "…So what'd you say, girls?" One of them asked. "Would you like to be like us and wear Purity rings too?"

Gracie narrowed her eyes and exited the room without saying a word. I sighed in relief before glancing at Kenny, who looked at me and I simply walked away with Gracie and out the stadium. I ignored his cries of help, knowing the best that it's what he deserved.

* * *

I tried to forget about the whole concert the next day, but it was hard as hell. It was the worst concert ever! I'm surprised Kenny didn't show up yet, usually if something good happens to him, he would run up to us and tell us about it. Did he even get that BJ?

"Ugh, that concert was the worst." Gracie groaned next to me, rubbing her head.

Kyle glanced at us, "Was it really that bad?"

I scoffed, "Yeah. It was insane! Girls were screaming, cheering, and squealing." I shook my head as the sound of screaming fan girls filled my head again.

Oh, look who's here. And what's this? He's not smiling! "Oh look, if it isn't BJ McKay and best friend Bear." Cartman teased as Kenny approached us, looking depressed.

"How'd it go?" Jon asked, eyeing Kenny.

He let out a long sigh and held out his exposed hand, revealing a silver ring around his finger. Huh, that looks like what those Jonas fags were handing them. Was it like a wedding ring or something?

"What is it?" Kyle eyed the ring as well.

Kenny sighed again, "A Purity ring."

A what? "A Purity ring?" Stan repeated in confusion.

"Oh, that thing." Jensen mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"…Well, what does it mean?" Kalel asked in a demanding tone, after waiting for the supposed answer he was going to give us.

"Oh, It's a ring that's supposed to 'pure' you and you're not allowed to have sex until marriage." He explained, holding up Kenny's hand.

Me and Gracie glanced at one another before shrugging. They stopped her just for that?

"Dude, you?" Stan says in disbelief. "We thought you wanted a BJ before you got too old an-"

He was interrupted by Kenny. "I did! I was really excited to get a BJ but now I have to this motherfucking purity ring!" He threw a fit.

"Alright! Calm down, dude." I stopped him from throwing any more fits. "Like I said, you're too young to getting BJs anyway. It's good you and Tammy are making a commitment to each other that isn't based on sex." Kyle nodded in agreement as I said this.

"Yeah." He scoffed, crossing his arms and looked at his ring. "It isn't fair!" He cried out again. "I was so close getting a blow job and I'll never get one now…this is fucking bullshit…" He mumbled the last part before walking away from the bus stop. We all stared.

"Remind me to never go anywhere again with Kenny that involves him getting anything sexual." I said, mentally slapping my head thinking that something like this will never happen again.

"Sure." Gracie smiled at me.

* * *

"I found him!" Kyle called out to us, pointing down the video section of the book store.

We've been trying to find Kenny after the whole Purity ring thing. He'd ditch us to go hang with Tammy and other people who wear Purity rings.

"Dude! Kenny?!" Stan yelled at him before grabbing his shoulders. "What the hell are you doing?! This day we were supposed to throw cow turds at cars together."

"You've been blowing us off for two weeks now! What's up?!" Jon demanded.

Kenny didn't respond, only collecting more DVDs from the shelf. I rolled my eyes before grabbing his shirt and rapidly shaking him. "Kenny! What are you doing?!" He held out his DVD, revealing a 'Grey's Anatomy' cover.

Gracie gagged and Kalel gasped. "Grey's Anatomy?!" Cartman exclaimed. "Kenny! What kind of douchebag garbage are you watching?!" He ripped the DVD out of his hand, making Kenny freeze in his place with his left hand still out.

"Come on Kenny, this isn't you." Stan said. "We want the old you back."

That's when Gracie noticed him still frozen. "Kenny?" She snapped her fingers, but he was still frozen. "Kenny, are you okay?" She snapped her fingers again, but he still stood in his place. "Um…you wanna look at Playboy?" She asked uncomfortably. No response.

"You wanna get high sniffing paint?" Kalel asked.

Still no response.

Stan snatched the DVD from Cartman's hands and held it out for our poor friend. "You want your Grey's Anatomy back?"

Kenny grabbed the DVD and jumped from excitement. "Oh, wow! Grey's Anatomy! This is a great DVD and stuff! We're gonna have the sex….yeah." At this point, he seemed brainwashed or something.

I pulled everyone aside and huddled into a group. "Guys, this is serious! There's something wrong with him."

"It's the ring." Gracie pointed out. "Somehow, that ring turned Kenny to a boring human being!"

We all heard Cartman groan as he held out a Teen Pop Magazine. "Oh, look at this! Jonas Brothers talk music, faith in God, and purity rings." We all walked up to get a closer look. "These Disney douchebags started all this!"

"Yeah! This happened after that stupid concert!" Kyle joined in.

"I really hoped to never see those fags again!" I exclaimed before sighing. "But this for our friend, let's teach these fags a lesson!"

* * *

We arrived where the Morning show was hosted near Denver. The Jonas Bros. are being interviewed about an upcoming live concert in 3D. I've also noticed they seemed a little nervous, I thought they were being used to be on TV.

"Hey!" Stan yelled, catching everyone's attention, even the Jonas Bros themselves. "Those Jonas Brothers are assholes!"

"Yeah!" Jon nodded in agreement. "They turned our friend into a douche!"

"What do you think you're doing?!" Kyle demanded, pointing at the Brothers. "How dare you spread this crap to kids?!"

"This whole thing is a fucking scam!" I added, not caring if I cursed on live TV. "I see what you're doing! You're trying to sell sex to young girls and confuse them by…" I felt something sharp hit the back of my neck, and it stung. Was it a bee? "O-oh…shit…"

"Jake?" I heard Gracie and Kyle ask before everything turned black and I collapsed.

* * *

My vision was fuzzy as I tried to open my eyes. I heard voices yell something out like 'Live in 15' or something. I noticed big, brown boots walk around in front of me, as if pacing around the room.

"They almost ruined everything, haha." The voice hissed, pacing around me. It sounded too familiar. "How did something like this happen, haha?" He then bent down and got in my face. "Wake up. Wake the fuck up, haha!" He demanded before grabbing my hat and lifting my head up from the ground.

Oh damn, it's Mickey Mouse.

"Who do you work for?!" He yelled, shaking my head. "DreamWorks?! Answer me, haha!"

I finally caught my breath. "W-We don't work for anybody." I reply. He let my head drop to the floor. "Oh boy. I sure believe that, haha!" That's when the rest of us woke up, all surprised at the figure that was confronting us. "You just tried to ruin Disney Company's big night for your own amusement, huh?! Haha."

"The hell did you do to us?!" Cartman yelled.

"SHUT UP!" Mickey kicked him in the balls, making Cartman sit back down. "Haha."

Holy shit! This mouse was fucking crazy! He's threatening us with a fucking chainsaw, still asking if we worked for DreamWorks!

"I told you, we don't work for anyone!" I snapped at him, but this only made him angrier. I tried to keep Gracie safe, but that chainsaw was so close to cutting me up.

"We came on our own 'cause our friend's purity ring is killing him!" Stan shouted over the chainsaw revving.

Mickey increased the revving of the chainsaw. "You're lying! I'll cut you up, haha!"

"You see? We were right about the purity rings!" One of the Jonas Brothers cried out, earning nods from his brothers. I think it was Joe.

"We've all angered God!" Kevin cried.

Mickey walked up to them, chainsaw still in hand. "You think God is in control here, haha?! I am in control! I've been in control since the 50's in case you haven't noticed, haha! You three faggots will sing," He then pointed at us. "and the eight of you faggots aren't going to stop me! NOBODY IS RUINING THIS EVENT! Haha! I've worked too hard and too goddamn long…" That's when I noticed he was in front of the microphone.

"Dude, the volume." I whispered to Kyle. He rose an eyebrow, so I pointed at the mic then at the volume button behind him. He nodded before increasing the mic volume, Mickey's voice booming around the stadium.

"…Your music sucks and you know it!" He continued to yell at the Jonas Brothers. "Haha. It's because you make little girls' 'ginies tickle! And when little girls' 'ginies tickle, I make money! Haha. And that's because little girls are fucking stupid! Haha. And the purity rings make it okay to do whatever I want! Haha. Even the Christians are too fucking stupid to figure out I'm selling sex to their daughters! I've made billions off of Christian ignorance for decades now, haha! And do you know why?!"

Jensen eyed the curtain control button and pressed it, making the curtains rise and revealing Mickey to the audience.

"…They believe in a talking dead guy, haha!" That's when he heard his own echo from the speakers and turned around, shocked to see hundreds, no, thousands of angry glares at him. "Ohhh. Haha. Ready to hear the Jonas Brothers play?"

"BOO!" The crowd screamed, throwing any objects and garbage they could find at the mouse.

"HAHA! Take that, Mickey!" Jon cheered.

"Come on, guys." All three of the Brothers left the stage, ignoring Mickey's orders to come back.

Gracie sighed in relief before facing us. "We should be heading home too. We had a long day…"

"NOOOO!" Mickey's angry roar cut her off, and the face of Disney turned into a fucking giant!

He breathed fire everywhere before floating like a giant balloon in the sky.

"Well, that happened." I said after the long silence.

* * *

Kenny's dead. Yeah, it turned out he died from syphilis after the BJ he received from Tammy. We were at his funeral, all of us. Father Maxi spoke, but I tuned him out.

"I told him…" I heard Cartman mumble. "I told him a woman's mouth is the dirtiest place on Earth, I said. Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said."

"Now we know." Kyle says.

"And knowing is half the battle." Cartman finished.

"At least he got what he wanted." I sighed. "He's probably happy, finally getting that BJ he always wanted."

"Can we not talk about this?" Gracie asked uncomfortably in her seat.

"Oh, sorry." I mumbled, giving her a small smile.


	12. Over Logging

**South Park: An Old yet New Face**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters**

**Chapter 12: Over Logging**

**Author: School's a bitch in my opinion. So, my updating will be tight from now on. Plus, I've been working on a Walking Dead fiction coming soon. So, here it is, the next chapter!**

**This chapter was kinda rushed, so please don't mind any spelling errors or things like that. Thanks!**

* * *

I don't even know what time it was, and I'm still on the internet. I was on YouTube, watching a few videos still in my daytime clothes. This was probably the longest time I've been online during a school night, and it rocked!

"Alright, time to get of the internet, Jacob." My Mom says while opening my door. "It's time for bed."

I groaned in response. "Yeah, hold on. I want to do a couple of more things." I replied, my eyes still glued to the screen.

I noticed her scowl from behind me. "Now, Jacob!" She ordered, standing there waiting for me to do so. I mumbled under my breath before shutting my computer down. What do Moms always do that? They always kill the fun it its past your bedtime, school the next day, or church. "It'll be waiting for you in the morning."

When I heard my door shut, I changed into my pajamas before climbing onto my bed. From down the hall, I could hear my Dad practically pleading for more time on the computer. He made up some lame excuses like checking his E-mail and liking a few photos on Facebook.

And I thought I was bad at excuses…

* * *

The next morning, the first thing I've done after getting out of bed was run to my computer to go back on the internet. I turned it on and typed in my password. When I went to go online, it said the internet was down! I tried again, but it still read it!

"What the hell?" I asked myself before Dad barged in the room with only his pajama bottoms on.

He looked like he smoked a ton of drugs and drank a lot of beer. Well, the second one was true. "Jake! Jake, I need to use your computer." He nearly pushed me out of my seat as he said this. "And leave Daddy some alone time."

Alone time…? Aw, sick!

"Mine's not working either!" I replied, ignoring his gross command.

"WHAT?!" He nearly screamed.

"Dad, the internet isn't working!" Jordan complained as she entered my room with her phone in her hands.

Dad was nearly tearing the internet wire from my computer before Mom came in while carrying Joey, who must've awoken from his sleep. "Daryl, I can't open my E-mail." She simply says, not in a panic attack like the rest of us.

"Everyone just calm down, alright?!" He yelled. "Alright?! We just can't panic!" He took my hand and dragged me down the steps with everyone else following. He ran out the door, much to our confusion, and ran straight to Kyle's house.

He banged on the door a few times before Kyle's Dad answered. "Gerald! We need to use your internet!" He nearly pleaded, gripping my hand harder, making me yelp in pain.

"Daryl, what happened?" Kyle's Dad asked

I heard Dad sigh in defeat before replying, "Our internet isn't working."

"Oh my god." Kyle's mom gasped before leading us inside.

"We've got nothing. It's just gone!" Dad nearly cried, exaggerating the whole situation like always.

I only stood there in confusion, along with the rest of my family, before Gerald patted his back. "Come in, you can use our internet."

Not if I get on it first! "I'm getting on it first." I announced before going up the steps into Kyle's room. I heard Dad shout something before running up the steps, so I made a run for it in Kyle's room. "Kyle!" I called out to him when I saw him on his computer. "I need to use your internet."

He tapped the keyboard a few times, followed by clicking the mouse. "I-It's not working!" He gasped.

"What?!" Dad shouted in disbelief from the doorway.

"I even tried to plug it back in!" Kyle told us before his Dad pushed him out of his chair to see for himself.

The rest of the family entered the room to see what the commotion was about. "Ours can't be broken!"

"It's gone, Gerald." Dad mumbled.

"NO! Maybe if I…"

"It's gone! GERALD! IT'S GONE!" Dad grabbed his shirt and yanked him a few times, lifting the man an inch or 2 over the floor. "YOU CAN'T FIX IT!"

"I have to get online before school starts!" Kyle told us.

What other place has internet for free? And what's the closet? Everyone usually brings a laptop to a coffee shop…

"Starbucks has internet." I announced.

"YES! Starbucks!" Dad cheered, pointing at me.

Kyle's Dad told all of us to grab their things and head to his car. When we were outside, Butters' Dad approached us with his face masked with confusion and disbelief. "H-hey, is your guys' internet working?" Don't tell me he doesn't have it too!

"NO! Nobody's is!" Dad shouted until getting in the car.

Nearby people started to scream and panic while holding out their computers and phones. Yep, over exaggerating again. I noticed my Dad's eyes went wide before realization hit me. Oh god, everyone will be at Starbucks!

"Everyone in the car!" Kyle's Dad ordered and we obliged.

As we rode down the streets, we couldn't help but look in shock about how many people lost their internet! Everyone! People were freaking out, running into objects and cars. One guy jumped onto the hood of the car with his laptop, asking for internet. Luckily, Kyle's Dad told him to leave.

We noticed a massive amount of people were surrounding a building, all trying to hurry in. Oh, shit It's Starbucks! When we exited the vehicle, a worker from Starbucks walked outside with panic written on his face. "Sorry, folks, there's no internet here!"

"They don't have it here too?!" Kyle cried out.

Dad faced the group with wide eyes like before. "Quick kids! Back in the car!"

Before any of us can move, a man stopped us. "No! Don't! You're wasting your time!"

"How do you know?!" Dad snapped at him.

"Because we just came from there!" He replied, earning shocked looks from everybody. "There was nothing! Nothing! Not even one scrap of internet!"

"How can there be no internet anywhere!?" Gerald yelled out in disbelief. "What's going on?!"

"There has to be a way to know what's going on!" Mr. Garrison said, wearing a fancy robe with a smoking pipe in his hands.

Yeah, going to ignore that one for now.

"We can't! Don't you get it?!" Kyle's Dad screamed. "There's no internet to find out why there's no internet!"

Everyone fell silent for a moment before someone picked up something. "What did we use to do to for news before internet?" He asked.

We all thought for a moment before My Dad's jaw dropped in realization. "A Television!" We all ran towards the nearest electronic store and broke the glass that kept the TV's inside for some reason. We could've listened through the glass but, whatever.

I'm too tired for any of this.

Stan's uncle Jimbo turned the TV on, and the news anchorman sat there with a frown on his face. "_**I'm sorry but we cannot bring you the news. It appears we have no internet here at News 4.**_" His eyes averted around his desk before sighing in defeat.

"Jesus, no one has internet!" Dad gasped, looking at the ground.

"It could be nationwide."

* * *

Well, we're "moving" again. Yep, all the way to good ol' Californee for some internet. Dad packed nearly EVERYTHING in the house, along with Grandpa for some reason. Dad was finished tying some of our belongings while my friends huddled near my car door.

"You're heading west?" Gracie asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

I sadly nodded. "Yeah, looking for some internet."

"How do you know if there'll be any?" Stan asked. To me, his tone sounded as if he were jealous at the situation.

I was silent for a moment before shrugging my shoulders. "Better there then here."

"You don't know that." Gracie tried to plead with me.

"I'm sorry guys, but we're taking the risk." I mumbled before closing my window.

Dad got in the car shortly after before Randy and Gerald walked up towards him leaning on his car door. "Look, if you have internet, let us know." Randy said.

I noticed my Dad's eyes narrowed for a second before looking back up at them. "How? You won't have any internet." He stated, drinking his final can of beer before driving off, our friends watching as we did.

Oh, man, we've been driving around for hours. We've stopped at motels and diners, and none of them have internet! I'm starting to think maybe Stan was right; there was no internet here. We continued to drive around a bit before stopping at a camp for the night, which was $50.

I sat there along with other folks before Dad started playing guitar. I heard from my Mom that Dad played guitar back in high school for like a year. But he sucked ass at it.

_I'm going down the road, feelin' bad._

_I'm going down the road, feelin' bad._

_I'm going down the road, feelin' bad. Oh Lordy! _

_My internet done up and went away…_

Some elderly man wept as my Dad sung his song. "Where are you from, ol' timer?" A man asked at the old man, who had stopped his crying.

"Kansas City." He replied. "Had me a store there. Kind of…computer supply store. When the internet went down, so did stores."

"Things will be different when we get out to Californee." Another man pointed out.

I don't know how all of this seems familiar…

"Well I'm gonna sit down at that Internet and just start e-mailin'. Just keep on e-mailin' till my fingers are sore to the bone." Another man added, clutching his hat over his chest.

Dad nodded in agreement, as did I. Yeah, I miss the internet too. Nothing else was fun to do; TV was boring, my toys got old, and my video games got boring too. I wonder how the rest of my friends are doing without internet.

"You folks all headin' to Silicon Valley?" Another guy asked, referring to me and my Dad.

"That's right. We need to get online." He replied.

The guy only laughed at us for a second. "HAHA. 'Get online' he says."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance before crossing my arms. "What's so funny?" I demanded.

The guy gave me a look before replying, "Think about it. How many folk headin' out to Californee? A million? More? And how much Internet you think they got out there?" Everyone looked at each other. "Might be some Internet, sure, but with everyone tryin' to use it at once, it's gonna go real slow-like. I knows it 'cause I seen it. My two children, they tried to load a Web page. Took them over three days. They sat there waitin', and by the time the loadin' bar was only half-full they was dead." He finished with his eyes welled up.

Oh, damn, I feel bad for him now. Both of his kids died by waiting for the internet? They must've starved from waiting too long…

"Come on, Jake. Let's get some rest." Dad gestured me towards our tents.

Yeah, I needed some sleep anyway.

We finally made it to Silicon Valley where I believe they had internet. When my Dad asked if there was, the Red Cross worker only walked away without saying anything. He was a dick. When we found a perfect spot to place our belongings, Dad went straight towards the nearest refugee.

"Um, you guys have internet?" He asked the man, who nodded. He looked our way and gave us a thumbs up.

"But there ain't enough to go around." Another refugee man added. "All they got is a _little _internet, barely a bar a signal. So they have to ration it out, carefully." I noticed my Dad's face drop.

Another guy walked up towards them. "You sign up over there and use your time when they call your name." He added too, pointing at the booth where a computer was placed. "Each family gets forty seconds o' internet per day."

"Forty seconds?" I asked in disbelief.

"That's not even enough time to check Wikipedia!" Dad shouted.

A volunteer worker walked past him, holding a clipboard. "That's all we got so we gotta make do."

God, why is every worker here such jerks?

After figuring everything out, Mom handed me, Jordan, and Grandpa our ticket numbers. "All right, each of you take a ticket. When they call your name you can use the internet." She explained after handing us our tickets.

Jordan glanced at her ticket then at mine. "What number are you, Jake?"

I rose an eyebrow at her before shrugging. "Eight fifty one."

Eh, hey! Jordan! She switched my ticket with hers! And her number was 931!

"Hey! Mom!" I complained. "Jordan switched my ticket!"

Mom groaned in annoyance before giving Jordan a pleading look. "Jordan, give your brother his ticket."

"But I need to go on the internet to FaceTime my boyfriend from Maine!" She whined before storming off, leaving me all confused.

How long as she had a boyfriend for? Kenny will be pissed off when he hears of this.

* * *

We waited on line all day today! We stood here from the afternoon until night! By the time we were near, a volunteer worker walked up to the front of the line with his fellow volunteers. "Alright folks, internet's done for tonight!"

Are you fucking serious?!

Everyone groaned before the workers took the computer away and into a little trailer. "It'll be back up in the morning. Everyone get to bed!"

"This is fucking stupid!" Jordan yelled in frustration before storming off in the other direction.

I wish I was back in South Park. I'm better off there then here.

* * *

Something awoke us at night, a noise. It sounded like someone was getting mauled by a bear. I picked up Joey, despite him being 5, and followed the volunteer workers into the trailer. At first, we thought it was an animal or something, but when we saw Dad wasn't here, that could've been him.

"What the?" A worker's voice trailed off at the scene in front of us.

Dad was sitting in a chair, all covered in white stuff, along with the desk and computer, with the computer still on. Mom gasped in shock and Jordan left the room without uttering a word.

Yep, I'm scarred for like now…

"Daryl!" Mom scowled at him, clearly disgusted at him.

Dad now noticed we were there and looked around nervously. "Um, uh, it was a spooky ghost! A-a-and this is ectoplasm! Did you see the ghost?!" A volunteer worker walked up to the computer and began typing. "It ran through here! I-I-it slimed me!" He was pleading at this point.

"You son of a bitch!"

"Oh, no it wasn't me! It was the ghost!" He explained again, his eyes wide.

* * *

Long story short, the internet was back on. Kyle got it working again. How? Oh, by unplugging it and plugging it back in, simple as that. Everyone overreacted, again. Everyone was seated near the City Hall and my Dad stood on a stage near a podium. He wore some stupid Native American jacket over his regular clothes.

I can't wait to hear what he says…..oh, that was sarcasm.

"And so what have we learned through this ordeal? The Internet went away. It came back. But for how long we do not know. We cannot take the Internet for granted any longer. We as a country must stop over-logging -on." Dad spoke, addressing the whole town. "We must use the Internet only when we need it. It's easy for us to think we can just use up all the Internet we want. But if we don't treat the Internet with the resPECT…" He pounded his right fist on the podium, startling some people. "…That it deserves."

"So, how was California?" Gracie asked.

I shrugged, "It was alright. A lot of refugee people but other than that, it was fine."

"You were better off here anyway." Stan mumbled.

"Actually, Californee DID have internet." I replied, earning surprised looks from my friends. "Yeah, but barely a bar. We only got forty seconds to go on the internet for a day."

"Better than nothing." Kalel scoffed.

Yeah, it was. Well, let's hope anything like this never happens again.

What's next? Zombies or something?

* * *

**Author: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please, give this story some love, it motivates me to make more!**

**Let's try to get this story up to 70 reviews! They keep me going to write more!**


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